Feeling stupid and not so awesome
 

Well, Im not asking for a pitty party, but i rather get this out of my system.


A little while ago, my friend bashed the window of a cop car, and got little to no punishment for it.

Another is becoming a happy hardcore DJ.

One newer friend just started taking hormones and will be the prettiest girl ive ever seen in 3 years.

and all im doing is looking for work, suppressing what i want deep down, cause i know im not light framed and free as them.

I can get over my weight issue. Im fat. I get over it.

Its just that..I never do anything wild. I need to do something awesome. I got to set fires or something. Maybe paint in the streets of Toronto. Perhaps stand on a street corner, shouting profound things to deaf ears.

I just need to break out and be wild, while im still young.

it seems to me there's nothing in your way but air and opportunity.
My personal beliefs as far as becoming transgendered aside not something i would suggest to do on the fly. It seems to me you need to pay very close attention to YOU. Gain some self knowledge and apply that towards money making or making yourself happy. that's what i did and that is why i am in tech support. I like playing with comps and being an incessant know-it-all. not making shit in an internship but alas.

Make music on street corners using cutlery and plastic. Do this for three hours every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Forever. You will become at least local-famous and that's nice, right?

Awe hon, get out and get some air... one of my favorite things to do is to walk around and observe other people.

Maybe you could go to the zoo and look at the creatures there... I love zoos myself as I think other animals are awesome and freakay.

Perhaps you could go bowling... just do something.. its a small step, a first step, but getting out will help you feel a little better about life in general.

And don't get down on yourself about your appearance or weight... be a freak on your own terms.. mainstream beauty is lame anyway.. fuck it.

Try starting with a small practical joke, don't begin with anything too serious though. I understand how you feel, I have an urge to cause trouble all the time, but I rarely ever do (outside of my circle of friends.) Samll pranks are the way to go.