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Torture
Why must you torture me so?
Can't you just love me as is? So sick of the treatment I'd rather have the disease. You beat me mentally, it's really sickining. Just put me down, right in the heart, here, I'll help, I'll hand you the gun and show you where to aim. How can you say you love me then leave? To know the cure is heartbreak, I don't even want to stand your pain. Can't I just lay down in agony and sleep? You are my wicked witch and love is the poison apple. Why do you treat me like this? I handed over my soul over to you and now as my blood turns to ash, to you I say, I love you and goodbye. |
"I am," I said
To no one there, And no one heard at all, Not even the chair. "This really is torture, Nightwalker39," replied the coffee table. |
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That title is so, very appropriate....
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This was indeed torture.
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What was wrong with it?
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Here I will high-lite the parts that were terrible.
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You didnt really tell me what was wrong with it. You just highlighted the entire thing and changed the color on a couple words.
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Yup, that's about it. Keep this up kid and you'll go far.
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Dude if your going to say whats wrong with it at least be realistic and have a valid reason.
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...Alright, your entire poem is pure shit. It is crap, terrible, awful, horrible, and any other negative adjectives you can come up with. Your poem wastes a lot of time showing your near-meaningless point that seems to be pasted on at last minute. It is incredibly angst, so much so, I get urges to cut myself by just reading it. You keep rambling on and on with the same theme, that you already covered for the last 3 shitty poems. It doesn't fucking go anywhere or does anything. Complete word garbage.
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Actually my other three poems have been about completely different topics all together.
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this is how i felt
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wow wtf i thought this poem was so good bc i have thoughs feelings a lot and if u thought it was a waste of time then thats ur fault you didnt have to read this poem or any of the other ones he wrote or rights. if you feel like you wanna cut urself bc of this poem then you no how he feels or felt inside and thats the point so you no whats going on with him and you can see how he feels if you dont like it then u can go stick that in your juice box and suck it! <3
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Then fu*cking leave her, don't write shitty poems about it.
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It's b-o-r-i-n-g.
The subject has been written and re-written and re-said and you have nothing new to say about bad romances. You don't even say what makes you fell... toortured, as you described it. You feel pitty for yourself, and that always makes you look pathetic anyway, whether in a poem or in real life. Your language is poor. Your writing skills are poor. Go read some classical poems to get what I'm talking about. You don't even have a structure, or rhytm. It's a prose written in short lines with no excuse to be called "a poem". Now, the subject. You just go and rent. You don't get to the heart of the subject, don't dig in the aching parts- What does she do that hurts you? Why did you let her do it? Why does she do it? There is no progress at all. It's just bad, from any artistical point. But, if it makes you feel you better, keep writing. Whether in prose or poem-like. Get your feelings on paper, what-ever makes you feel good. Just don't publish that. Spare us the pain in our eyes and you the very justified flaming. |
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Do not feed the troll. Seriously.
[Please ignore the spelling mistakes I had on the previous post. I blame the morning. I always blame the morning.] |
Why is it that ever person on here thinks that because someone wants to speak their mind that they are a troll? And for that matter, what gives you the right to call them that in the first place.
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wtf this is so stupid people just need to back off
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SUPER lack of periods make it hard to understand
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