No name yet.
 

I didnt mean to kill her..
Honest I swear.

I just wanted to hurt her
Make her feel just like me.

I wanted her to understand
So she could finally see .

What its like to live with a permanent
Hole in your heart.
To wake up every night screaming
Hellish nights I can never stop this dreaming.

But then the blood just drained
And her darling life went out fast.
And I was left alone just like the past.

So I mourn this corpse
And regret it all
I killed the best part of me and I did it with glee.

I just cant let any one heal me
I live to pick my scabs
And rip out stitchs
Every thing is self inflicted.

My love is like a fire it burns it burns it burns.
Im just like them I never ever learn.



what do you think?

Try to put rhythm in your writings. There's no point in breaking them in lines if it's not necessary.
I think you would be better writing short stories. Develop the characters more, make everything more vivid, and just write in prose.
I don't think I would be a fan, but I do have to say they would be better.

I think I will try short stories for a while, thanks .

You are getting better at writing. I rather liked this poem.

lessee... murder, cutting, hurt, bleeding... "pedestrian", common themes as addressed in your other work.

Do you at least see what we are getting at about overly common themes, as "shocking" as they may be to you or people from small towns without televisions?

Overall, you show understanding in your writing, but you need a better vocabulary. It doesn't need to be Shakespeare, but at the same token, a good word could easily catch the reader's eye. If you bring something such as murder in a poem, leave it with the one stanza. Don't break up the idea, then continue it with "so..." Trust me, it is more effective in stories. You have the potential to write short epics; don't stay in a genre that is portrays your writing style unfavorably.

Good dark themes, I love the bitterness, it gives a chilling sense.