How do I tell my friend in a nice way not to dress goth?
 

My friend Tiffany is a girly girl who worships Jessy McCartney, and Zac Effron. When we met, she was saying stuff like, "Cool, I'm gonna go goth too!". I tried to explain it to her that you can't just "go goth" all of a sudden, and you certainly don't just dress like it because your friends are, but she didn't get the hint. Now, she's started to dress like it. It's SO akward to be standing infront of someone dressing goth saying, "Zac Effron is so cute!" and "Oh my god, I just gotta have those Lululemon clothes!" or "Aritzia is like, my life! Hay, that boy over there is tres chic non?" I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'm not telling her, "You're not goth," because I don't believe in saying that. It's rude, mean, and she's not a poseur. Tiff's not dressing goth because she thinks goths are awesome, she's doing it because of me. I don't want to hurt her, or make her feel bad, but she's making a fool of herself, and of me with my friends!

Start saying "When did you go emo?"

Ugh, you kids have such petty problems...Let her dress how she wants, jesus.

As badteccy says, let her dress as she chooses. She will then learn that respect from Goths comes from what she says, not what she wears.

Look at some of my Gothic.net videos on youtube (check the internet video thread, or just go to youtube.com and search for "HumanePain"), you will find photos of friends that are not dressed even remotely Goth, but they are in my videos because I respect their intellects, I respect their minds (even the ones with big boobs :D ).

I agree, badfeccy, what a child! Hah! Hah! Children, please!

Rude??
What the fuck?
Why is it rude to tell someone's not a goth?
Will they feel less of a person? Does believing they are goths make their lives complete?
Hell no. It's idiotic to believe saying 'you're not a goth' is an insult.
P.S. You're not really much of a goth either.

Very good points on the lot

yeah, DarkPrayer, you aren't much of a goth, but it's ok, i'm not much of one either ^_^

just ask her why shes dressing that way, if its because of you, tell her to be herself, if its because shes interested in goth, bring her on this site =), if she thinks it looks nice , well... groovy

So, DP (heh heh...) isn't very goth... why? And what gives you two the right to determine such? (Unless he said as much, in which case disregard this post.)

Exactly my point. Just because you don't like what she says doesn't mean you can just say "hay you know what, you're not goth" THEN you claim that it isn't a power word. If it's not a power word don't use it as sort if an insult. Hypocrites.
And you know what? That's fine, you guys can be just like all the other goths and the rest will be you know, inividual people.
Have fun sheepies.

Wait a tic. Weren't you the one who said "goth is about the music"
Do you know what music she listens to? Do you know wheather she likes post punk or not? NO you don't. So how about you get your story straight.

I have a friend that dresses (well, tries to dress) Goth. It bothered me at first, just because it made no sense and I was pretty sure it was to impress a boyfriend. After a while, I just quit caring. Her wardrobe was no longer "Goth-Poseur". It was just her. And now, I rather like that about her. (The fact that what was an attempt at fitting in became her own unique expression.)

That is great. No really that makes a lot of sense.

Yes, I do, from the amount of exposure she has allowed us to have of her. And how about not get all whiny and offended for a fucking word?

Hmm, using all... 2 classes worth of Psych skills that I have... do you think maybe she really likes you? Maybe she wants to bond with you and spend more time with you?

And hey, goff/goth clothes are pretty neat. What are you wearing? Hot Topic, which is trendy and cool, very elaborate "romantic" or "cyber pieces, or maybe something from Goodwill that you've customized?

Umm...give me a post in which she clearly says "I do not like any post punk bands" and I will give you 10 dollars. Face it, you assumed it because you don't like her.
I'm not offended, I'm just trying to call you on being a hypocrite.

Explain to her that you admire her just as much as she admires you, but that you feel she looked better in her old clothes. Flattery is everything.

That is true, sadly.

It is regrettable that we are swayed so easily by kind words. But if it gets the posers to think about why they're dressing the way they do it's worth it.

This is going to be harsh, bitch at me all you want, but I am entitled to my own opinion.

A very large part of me thinks you're a troll. If not, you really need to stop making a big deal about goth, others being goth or not being goth, people not thinking you're goth, you liking goth and thinking you're goth, other people's opinions about goth, etc.

Sorry, but I am very tired of hearing about your constant issues about these things and your cries for attention. You can only be nice to a person for so long. You say you 'cannot go goth.' By saying this you are basically implying that goth is all about the clothing you wear.

That is what it is, clothing. Anyone can wear 'goth' clothing. If she wants to dress like you think a goth dresses and you think she is stealing your individuality in some way by doing so, you need to wake the fuck up. Dressing the way you and possibly your friend do does not make you special. It does not make you "goth."

And insulting people for liking "preppy" or "girly" things while dressing "goth" is for one thing not making you "goth" and secondly is not a respectable or kind thing to do. I've never heard you mention liking a proper gothic rock or even a goth-inspired band aside from Manson and Evanescence and yet you think you have the authority to insult those who are not "goth" enough for you. You call this girl your friend and yet insult her like this about the clothes she wears!

You make me sick.

This is my impression of DarkPrayer:
"GOTHGOTHGOTHGOTHLET'SONLYTALKABOUTGOTHGOTHGOT H."

Yes, it's sooo horrible that someone wants to talk about goth on a gothic website.

That's so snarky it should have came with a warning!

As for Dark Prayer, why NOT let your friend dress the way she wants? If she wants to be decked out in graveyard drag while singing the praises of that High School Musical, so be it. Let her be the Happy Goth if she wants to. She may even get tired of it and move on to something else.

You can't tell your friend in a nice way not to "dress goth". It's impossible, because it's not a nice thing to do, nor is it your right to attempt it. It's very possible she genuinely enjoys her new clothes, and telling her to stop dressing how she likes wouldn't be friendly at all. Liking pretty boys doesn't make one less gothic. I dated pretty surfer boys, and baby-hippie boys, AND angry metal boys in high school. None of them had any effect on my pierced, black-clad, Bauhaus-worshipping self...it merely meant I had the ability to step outside of my bubble and enjoy a variety of people and things. Chill out, pick a flower, and appreciate your friends for who they are.

Brush up on music and insist on only talking about that. Whenever she protests, tell her that now that she's goth, that's what goths do.

She'll either get sick of it really quickly and jump to the next trend (which she'll probably do soon anyways), or she'll follow your lead and actually start to get it. Either way, you win.

Say "WTFUNK YOU CAN'T DRESS LIKE ME I'M INDIVIDUAL AND NON-CONFORMIST AND YOUR DRESSING LIKE ME MAKES ME LOOK CONFORMIST OMG CONFORMITY NOOOOOOES GET OUT OF THOSE CLOTHES YOU MUST CONFORM TO THE STANDARDS OF MY NON-CONFORMITY AND BE DIFFERENT AND ABSTRACT AND COOOOOOOL".

Want to know what's really goth? BEING YOUR FUCKING SELF. Leave her be.