Untitled # 2
 

There's that sarcasm in her sex
That begs for infidelity.
There's that blankness in her stare
That moulds the deepest desire.
And I feel the burning passion
With her every touch that is'nt mine.

It feels like the start of a song. I like it. Is there/will there be more?

See, I like this better than your other one. It feels much more genuine and intriguing.

See what you're doing here that you're not doing in your other poem?
The first and final lines are intriguing:

"There's that sarcasm in her sex"

Sex can't be sarcastic, at least not in the conventional sense. Metaphor, innuendo, figurative language. Captivating start. The following line "That begs for infidelity," is strong in the same way.

"With her every touch that isn't mine."

Again, complex literary devices are being used here. Her touch can't be yours- paradox. The audience doesn't know if you mean you're the one touching, the one being touched, or actually seeking to assume the persona of the line's object, which effectively engenders multiple meanings.

The middle of the poem, however, remains weakened by cliches: Deepest desire, burning passion, blank stare, all phrases which are too common and lack poetic gravity.

See I'm not very good with poems. i'll try and re-work it. Thanks.

Yeha, what gothicusmaximus said. Not bad though, not bad at all.

thanks! at least someone likes it lol