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I really don't know what to say..
It all seems like a terrible fucking dream..
I didn't even know she had gotten sick again until last night, hours before she died. All because no one wanted to worry me, because worry and stress make the disease I have flare up much worse. I can barely walk from one room to the other right now. But I told them I could do it, would do it. I don't care how ill I am, I want to be there..
And Now She's Just Gone..
I didn't get to talk to her..
I didn't get to tell her how much we love her, how much she's meant to us..
She died holding my Mom's hand, moments after my Mom and the rest of the family finished reading the 23rd Psalm to her from the Bible.
It was apparently very Peaceful and she just quietly let go when they reached the end of the Psalm.
My Parents won't let me attend the funeral, because they are afraid that I will end up in the Hospital if I try and make the trip in the condition I am in currently. I am absolutely crushed that I can't be there to say Goodbye to her. I can't be there for my Mom. I can't be there for the rest of my family. I can only sit here in this useless crippled body and mourn.
It's not right, I should be there when they bury her. Not here 2300 miles away..
Thank you all for your kind words and prayers, it means alot.
Dis, I'm here if you need me and I appreciate your Warm Thoughts as well..
It just doesn't seem real..
Could someone please just wake me and tell me this is all a Bad Dream?
Fucking Sob...
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