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Complacency is utter evil.
i must be consciously aware of each step that i make. Literally.
Ten years ago i completely tore the acl in my left knee. Not a problem the doctors said. Rehab should fix you right up, they said. Before rehab was complete i did some stupid shit and tore more ligaments in the same knee. Now, pain allowed, my left knee can bend in all directions. i must be consciously aware of each step that i make.
Three years after the intitial injury, i ripped up the miniscus in my right knee during a fight. The torn miniscus behaves just like the torn acl.
Two fucked knees that never got better. i know it's my own fault for not working on getting my legs to half ass decent shape, but that somabitch depression kicked in and i said screw it all. Now, i must be consciously aware of each step that i make.
It slipped my mind this morning.
i got down to the second to last dew moistened step this morning when my right foot slipped putting my left knee in an awkward position as well as bearing all of the load. It buckled. Folded underneath me in a way that should not be possible unless i was a contortionist.
Blinding fucking pain. In my mind i know that the pain on this level only lasts a few minutes, but for those few minutes it is hard to breathe between the "mother fuckers".
It takes fifteen minutes to get back into the house. Put the knee brace on that i should have been wearing, but this hasn't happened to me in years. Complacency. That fucker.
Now i'm not even sure if i'll be able to go and do the "Ohio Job" which is next Monday.
i can feel shit popping and grating in my knee as i try to walk.
FUCK.
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