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Originally Posted by Niels
..I feel that rhymesschemes are holding the poet back of being truly creative (some phrases seemed a little lame and predictabel, especially
He lived with his family,
And there he was hung.
They would not let him leave
For he was still quite young.
He lived in the city,
So they knew from the start,
That love would be tricky
Living so far apart.
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I think I have to respectfully disagree with Niels on this one - I think the predictability lent a really good effect. It's a personal thing - I like the contrast between the everyday, mundane, happy Enid-Blyghton type world, and the darker one it eventually becomes. I felt like it gradually evolved from predictable, nursery rhyme style stanzas into a haunting song. I like to start with something I can relate to, so that I can feel their world transforming. Of course, I just like rhyme; I think it gives a poem something exceptional (except in rare instances).
Great poem!