[I've diecided to change the intro a bit and some of the first chapter, it occured to me that Aloysia seems a bit on the lesbian side, so I've changed it a bit. Heres the revamped parts:]
Intro ReVamp
“Oh Gawd, ick…” Brenna coughed up some oil that had fallen in her mouth and chucked a wrench to the side sliding herself out from under her small fighter.
“Son of a, damn you Pepin! Just ruin my fighter why don't you!” She choked, spiting out some oil.
“Oh, hey Aloysia, going on? Didn’t see you come in.”
“How is the fighter coming along?” Her voice was soft and had a hint of passion in it, as always. Brenna watched as she trailed over to the fighter and ran a finger across it admiring the new paint job she gave it the other day.
Brenna proceeded to get up and dust herself off and throw some kitty litter under the fighter to soak up the oil spill.
“Its great, except Pepin jacked it up in our last fight” She smirked and mopped up some oil that was creeping away; looking back up at her and wondering how in the world Pepin could do so much damage in so little time. She didn’t understand Him.
“Oh, and tell that clown if he touches my fighter again He’s gonna’ wake up with an engine rod up his ass.” Brenna scoffed
“Alright, and don‘t stay down here to long.” She stuck out her tongue and teased Brenna as she walked off and went to deal with Pepin.
Chapter One Beginning ReVamp
I’m not sure why, but, Aloysia swayed her hips more then usual, more then most women, she always does this no matter where she is or who she is with. I looked...-----
[Alright, well thats all for now, I'm going to do my math homework/American history (BLEH!) and write some more, should have a fresh chapter by tomorrow or Wensday.]