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I'm not ok.
I really don't know what else to say, mostly because I don't understand what's going on. I know I'm hysterical for no reason, I know I can't stop crying, I know I couldn't get myself out of bed for the last 2 days so I missed work. I don't understand why. I cry, hourly, daily, and I don't know why.
I'm not ok.
I have tried every coping mechanism I know. I have tried "self-soothe", which involves soothing all 5 of my senses and relaxing. I have tried going out, hanging out with people, taking my mind off it, keeping busy. I have tried sewing and painting and creating. I have tried exercising, I worked out for 2 hours and couldn't walk the next day in hopes that the endorphins would make feel even slightly better. I even tried letting myself mope, to see if acknowledging it and indulging it would get it out of my system. Nothing works. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just... not ok.
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A SPIDER sewed at night
Without a light
Upon an arc of white.
If ruff it was of dame
Or shroud of gnome,
Himself, himself inform.
Of immortality
His strategy
Was physiognomy.
--Emily Dickinson
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