[Minyaliel]

*hug for DHD*

I just have to vent. Yes, I know I've ranted about it before. I - HATE - EXAMS!! This year it feels as if I've done nothing but write exams. This might be my fault, because I didn't manage to finish the first semester one on time due to a mental breakdown and had to do it this semester, but still - now it's that time of the year again. I have to hand it in before three o'clock tomorrow. Which practically means I should be finished about one o'clock so that I can send it to my mom on email so that she can print it out for me at work and then I can come and pick it up and hand it in shortly before deadline. I still have to write six pages of BS. I'm starting to despise Artaud and fucking hate Brecht. And since this is my final final exam in this course, I need to finish it. I need it to be readable. I probably will not have much time for proofreading, and at the moment I can't make myself give a damn. I've slept for a total of seven hours the last two nights, and have a huge writer's block. I can't make myself concentrate. I want this to be over NOW. I want to go straight onto next year, to go to my musical theatre course where they don't have exams or judge you and give you some number that's supposed to tell how good or how terrible you are. I want a fucking life, not another assignment!! I'm sick and tired of this. And I will have to cope with it for at least another eight years to become an opera singer; that is, if I can get into those universities I want to go to. But - I'm so... tired... and so unmotivated at the moment, I only feel like crying. My inner critic tells me I won't make it. I want to, though... it's the pride and perfectionism in me that keeps me going at the moment, an inherited stubbornness that runs in my family. But I still can't help but wonder - will I make it in time, or will I have to take the exam again next autumn? The mere thought of having to stay in this city to do that sickens me... but I don't want to be a failure, either, when I've worked so hard to get where I am now; only these stupid exam papers stand in my way before my practical exam, which I know will be much easier than this, and a lot more enjoyable. I'm so tired... *breaks down and starts crying*