Thread: Blood and Fire
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Old 04-18-2007, 07:12 PM   #1
Gothic Piano
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 67
Blood and Fire

Okay, I want as many criticisms as possible. Tell me what to do to make this better, please.

Fire and blood, they glisten
How beautiful they both are
They fascinate the wondering eye
Fire’s never ending flame
Blood's never ending shining redness

As blood drips down her throat as she dies
Candles showing her cold, pale face
Touching her lips so cold
Compared to the fire's torching flame
Her blood trickling down
It is putting out the lit candles little by little
Leaving nothing but puddles of blood
When all her blood is drained out
All that is left is blood and fire
The fire burning
And the blood dripping

The cries of this blood and fire
They are so great
They put a smile upon my face

My blood, my fire, shall they never end
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