Gothic.net Community - View Single Post

Vako · 04-30-2007, 08:42 PM

There is a place in the Literature section for this sort of thing. It is called "Reincarnation of the Poetry thread".

As for your poem, it is pedestrian at best. Sounds like a teen moping in his/her room.
And I should add that I have also been R*A*P*E*D.

If you want to write poetry that will get people's attention, use the K.I.S.S. principle. (Keep It Simple, Stupid.)

Here is an example of how you could have expressed the same experience more efficiently, and reached a more diverse audience;

Down in the water
See the creatures swim around
Down in the water
A little boy was found
encased in concrete
The untimely tomb shall know no sound
Down in the water
The sociopath hid his kill
He chose to abuse his own free will
He will not be rewarded to walk the Earth again
For on his dying day, Nature will delete his soul.

04-30-2007, 08:42 PM	#6
Vako Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 794	There is a place in the Literature section for this sort of thing. It is called "Reincarnation of the Poetry thread". As for your poem, it is pedestrian at best. Sounds like a teen moping in his/her room. And I should add that I have also been RAPED. If you want to write poetry that will get people's attention, use the K.I.S.S. principle. (Keep It Simple, Stupid.) Here is an example of how you could have expressed the same experience more efficiently, and reached a more diverse audience; Down in the water See the creatures swim around Down in the water A little boy was found encased in concrete The untimely tomb shall know no sound Down in the water The sociopath hid his kill He chose to abuse his own free will He will not be rewarded to walk the Earth again For on his dying day, Nature will delete his soul.