[Splintered]

I am getting pissed off at school.

I get pissed off a lot at school, and usually I'll get over it. Boot up a game of Counter-Strike, and frag somebody. That'll be my stress reliever for the night, and I'll go over to the school the next day, pretty happy with myself.

Lately however, it seems like school has become more and more enraging. I have high doubts that any of my teachers want to be there and teach kids, and most of them don't really give a damn about the subject that they are teaching. A really good example could be my chemistry teacher. She continually questions us about how electrons are formed, and assigns a ton of homework. However, she has spent very little time actually teaching the content to kids.

Usually, this would be a good thing. I like teaching myself, and sometimes I find it that it's really hard to keep up with lectures because I'll already know sections of the material, and my mind will start drifting off. However, I'd like some kind of teaching, so I can learn a new concept.

It's like being told get from New York to Florida. I would love that kind of adventure, but I'd like to have a piece of the map first, or a compass so I know which direction to head.

She doesn't even care if we understand the content. She offers to stay before or after school. While that's a nice gesture, and I 'll respect her for that, in my mind it doesn't excuse the lack of teaching that she does.

I have three classes that I actually think the teachers know the content. My history teacher, I know he knows what he is teaching. He actually talks intelligently about the subjects, even when he's not lecturing or having us do projects, you can approach him and he'll know a ton about what he's talking about. That's the kind of teacher I can respect, he wants to be there, and he wants to teach.

The rest barely look like they care. This is making me get frustrated with my classes. Repeating vocabulary words doesn't help me learn them at all. Reducing a fraction six billion times isn't going to teach me how to reduce fractions, and lighting magnesium on fire isn't going to tell me shit about the magnesium.

This frustration, is really showing up in my grades, which is what worries me the most. The idea always was, is that I could scrape by with somewhat OK grades, and then go off to college where I could really learn. Now I'm learning that if I don't reduce the fraction the six billionth time, or if I don't repeat the vocabulary word over and over, I won't get into college.

It feels like I'm trapped in a cycle of, "Either do your work, shut the fuck up, and deal with it", and not learn anything because I'm consumed in homework and consumed in schoolwork, or actually try and learn something by spending my time elsewhere, and failing horribly at my goals.

Now I'm being told that this is what the real world is going to be like too, which makes the outcome look even worse. If I hate this so much now, to the point where I've wanted to scream and throw something across the room, and school is supposed to be teaching me about how to live in the real world, how am I ever going to deal with that as well? I always thought that there was a way out of this school, but now it just seems like the school system wants to fuck me over so I can't succeed, despite whether I want to or not.