|
It's not exactly my style, but I like it. There were a number of lines I stopped to smile at, like "my dreams play god" (is the lack of capitilization there a coincidence, or is it intentional?) and "and my dreams are euthanasia." Those are powerful lines, lines with worlds in them. The last line suggests that you're holding onto a false but beautiful hope that will lead you to nowhere but your downfall eventually, which is a sudden departure from the rest of the poem. Very cool and ironic transition, indeed.
A few crits, though: parts of the poem seemed repetitive. I think you could remove the fifth stanza altogether.
Keep writing.
__________________
Being yourself is like taking a shower; if you don't do it too often, you'll start to stink. Like, really bad. Gasmask school-evacuation-for-anthax bad.
|