Gothic.net Community - View Single Post - Town and Turret: The Tale of Castle Gothica

L'Oiseau Noir · 02-27-2008, 08:02 PM

*Cracked her knuckles.*

I'll give ya a critique!

I actually enjoyed the imagery you utilized in this story, H.P. I know, it's amazing--I said something positive. The only nitpicks I have is you need to tighten up the grammatical errors (which are few and far between), and maybe cut down on the modifiers (such as adverbs or adjectives). And, perhaps, make the dialog a bit more realistic and not as exuberantly written, unless that was your intention in the first place. If so, then by all means press on! Have fun with this piece, and don't let dry literature snobs like me put a damper on your fun.

Keep it up! I like it!

And the fact I'm mayor beats major ass. (Yes, that's a good thing).

02-27-2008, 08:02 PM	#18
L'Oiseau Noir Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Jersey Sticks. Posts: 1,062	Cracked her knuckles. I'll give ya a critique! I actually enjoyed the imagery you utilized in this story, H.P. I know, it's amazing--I said something positive. The only nitpicks I have is you need to tighten up the grammatical errors (which are few and far between), and maybe cut down on the modifiers (such as adverbs or adjectives). And, perhaps, make the dialog a bit more realistic and not as exuberantly written, unless that was your intention in the first place. If so, then by all means press on! Have fun with this piece, and don't let dry literature snobs like me put a damper on your fun. Keep it up! I like it! And the fact I'm mayor beats major ass. (Yes, that's a good thing). __________________ "I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws." - Charles Baudelaire