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I'm glad this thread is back, because I could put out a book of these.
On the occult:
"Gee, the lacrosse team is sure doing poorly this season. Then again, I put a little hex on them. I know, I know, you make fun of my spells."
In response to my father's query as to why she doesn't use her spells to earn our family greater wealth:
"How do you know I'm not? You're doing pretty well... for you."
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