[MollyMac]

I spent most of the day making french toast, sorting out other's issues (some legit, some bullshit), and drinking to poetry with duck and the Syndicate. We got him Maker's Mark bourbon as a "drink this, it helps managing us swallow a little easier" gift of appreciation/placation."Don't Fear the Reaper" was on repeat on my I-Pod all morning. It really, really... I really cannot tell you exactly what it does to your house, but it sure as fuck fucks with your head. Felt liek there was too much space behind my eyes, like I had heard only that song my whole life, like an ohm or heartbeat... convincing me, it.. it's so sexy somehow, so surrendering to my ears, the notion of letting go and floating somehow, somehow...... and then we can be like they are, and my mind turns to corpses, preserved in formaldehyde, unnatureal folds cold in flesh, eyes clouded by death and days, the wind the only motion to their cells, mauze and sweat making them slick under their clothes in this humidity, and they would hold out their hands...... or just sitting behind him, wrapping my legs and arms around him, and slowly, bloodlessly removing the tendons from his neck...... and brings me to the dream I had last night-I was laying naked on a steel table, and used a scalpel to open my abdomen laterally and pull out every organ, one by one, clean it off in soda water and lemon, and rest it in steel coptic jars... liver, kidneys, intestines, stomach, even my heart that I knew was too cold to live, but beat anyway- so hard it cracked the steel jar... and when I was finished, with no emotion, with only the pragmatism of dissection, I scrubbed out my empty core to the muscle and packed it with rosemary and gauze before stitching myself up, washing away all traces of blood and putting my lab coat back on and then laying down, calmly on the table, pull a gun into my mouth and pull a triggernormally, you would ake up here in a startbut i could feel the pain of my shattered face and skull, I could not feel my brain, I remember thinking I had forgotten a detail, left my brain in my body, and now it was a mess. How dare they find me like this now???I heard someone knocking and my gurney rattled, I heard them walking around me, wondering how the corpse was suddenly almost decapitated and bloodless when an hour before, it was not even dead yet.then i woke up