|
At first I thought it was going to be an interesting transgressive poem, but it turned into a relatively average poem. With work I could see it working. Perhaps taking out the more common ideas and phrases such as bluntly asking about manhood and mentioning the scars.
Also I find the flow to be a bit odd, and it could use work. I'd suggest just playing with the line breaks until you make it work a bit more interestingly or naturally.
|