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Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child
I didn't mind the accordion part, but I would strike the conversation with the guy - it's really pretentious to my ears. Just the image of the guy crying over it was enough. The "I am the accordion" line screams cliche, and my feelings are the exact opposite of Gothicus' - I thought it was the worst line in the whole poem.
In the second draft, I liked the guy in the suit, but again I think the description of him was enough. I would cut everything about him after "smoke and piss."
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You thought the accordion was cliche, and liked the cameo from a grittier Jerry Maguire?