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Sorry to interrupt...I have a "collection" of sorts - pick and choose whichever you like. None are mine...Just I found them funny and saved them randomly...
• The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette
• I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it
• I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me
• Some people are only alive because it illegal to kill them
• I used to have a handle on life, but it broke
• Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive
• You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to ME
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
• Earth…the insane asylum of the universe
• I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing
• Out of my mind. Back in 5 minutes
• I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ
• I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming like the passengers in his car
• God must love stupid people, he made so many of them
• The gene pool could use a little chlorine
• It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you!
• I took and IQ test and the results were negative
• Consciousness: that annoying time between naps
• Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
• Beer – the reason I get up every afternoon
• I must be a proctologist because I work with buttheads!
• “That’s it! I’m calling NANA!” (seen on an 8y/o girl)
• Wrinkled – not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up
• Procrastinate…NOW!
• Rehab is for quitters
• My dog can lick anyone!
• I have a degree in Liberal Arts – Would you like fries with that?
• Party - My crib - 2 a.m. (on a baby size t-shirt)
• Finally 21, and legally able to do all the things I’ve been doing since I was 15
• Tasmania – 1 million people and 13 last names
• FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software
• I’M OUT OF OESTREGEN AND I’VE GOT A GUN!
• A hangover is the wrath of grapes
• A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
• Stupidity is NOT a handicap! Please park elsewhere!
• DISCOURAGE INBREEDING – ban country music
• They call it PMS because mad cow disease was already taken
• He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead
• Time is fun when your having Flies – Kermit the Frog
• Police station toilet stolen – Cops have nothing to go on
• FOR SALE – Taliban Rifle, never fired, dropped once.
• Heck is where people go who don’t believe in gosh!
• Ham and Eggs – a day’s work for a chicken ~ a life commitment for a pig
• Welcome to Kentucky - set your watch back twenty years
• The trouble with life is there’s no background music
• The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson
• Mop&Glo – The floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team
• NyQuil – the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine
• My husband and I divorce over religious differences – he thought he was god and I didn’t.
If I were you, I'd dance naked in the middle of the street just to embarrass you.
Okay, everybody in this room who's telekinetic, raise my hand.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains a popular item.
American society is a melting pot: the people on the bottom get burned and the scum rises to the top.
This is precisely the sort of thing that people who like this sort of thing will like.
My inner child can beat up your inner child...
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