[ExistentialDisorder]

the depression that BR seems to be referring to sounds more social than chemical. but as for chemical, everybody has some sort of chemical imbalance. that is a big part of what makes up our personalities. those drugs don't fix anything. all they do is flatline you, so that you think and feel nothing. no emotions good or bad affect you. you go through the motions of existence, not living. there is a huge difference. you wake and sleep, eat and breathe. they usually make people more responsible and able to handle daily monotony better. so sure, that's a plus. but the price you pay for it is your ability to experience anything on any emotional level. so you might as well be dead. its clinical suicide. at least mentally. and on top of that most are so damned addictive that before they actually start "working" you're hooked, so once you're "better", (according to the expert and oh-so caring psychiatrists/psychologist or whatever shrink that happens to be mind-****** you has decided), you then have to ween yourself off of the stuff. and most of the time the "imbalance" eventually comes back, so you're back to square one. because let's be honest folks, there's no money in the cure. its all in the come-back. I'd much rather be a heroine addict or meth junkie. at least those drugs don't lie.

the best way to deal with depression is to embrace it. find the romance in it and learn to use it as a tool. experience life through it. too many people too much of the time go through life with rose-tinted glasses, convincing themselves the world is beautiful and life is a gift. bullshit. people like that disgust me, because they're blind, and ignorant of the cold, hard fact that the world and life is harsh and short-lived. life is what you make of it, nothing more. if you can find the beauty in it, then you've found an easier way to live. just make sure that what you're seeing is with your own eyes and not through those glasses. on top of that, who the hell has the right to decide or try to convince you that you should keep on living if you don't want it anymore? Nobody. It's not their business or their life. I use to be that way. When various friends or people I knew started talking "negatively" and hinting at things like suicide, or even just down-right saying they were contemplating it, I would try to convince them otherwise. Then somewhere along the way I woke up and realized its not my place - or anybody elses - to try and discourage them. Help them make the decision, if they ask for it, and keep a completely neutral possition on it, but don't talk them out of it. That's the most selfish thing you could ever do. Because it comes down to this - nobody gives a god damned iota about who you are, what you're doing, where you came from, where you're going or when you'll die. and anybody that tries to claim they do is your enemy. they want something from you, whether its money, possessions, whatever. something. nobody is wholely selfless, because selflessness is nothing more than a romantic notion the best of the liars came up with. selflessness is not a quality that any human being is capable of posessing.

If you want your life to be interesting then its your responsibility to make it interesting, to give yourself motivation and inspiration to carry on another day, or week or month, etc. no one can do that for you. and when the time comes that you've finally experienced all you care to experience, then pick up the blade, swallow the pills and drift away. or go talk to a shrink. cause in the end either option has virtually the same result, one's just a little less expensive.