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First, choose a readable colour that isn't going to send me blind. Second, spelling mistakes, are they intentional? It is not a slight against you, but I don't assume that you are from an English speaking background so I would like some clarification. Sentence structure is too long
Eg.
"I remember a girl I once knew who reminded me of the winter her stare was cold as she looked apon me with her ice blue eyes."
Should read ...
"I remember a girl I once knew who reminded me of the winter. Her stare was cold as she looked apon me with her ice blue eyes."
I would cut the question at the end...
"I believe I loved here but were is she now!?"
Word repetition is another issue. Try not to over use ice.
Other than that it was ok. Hope it helps.
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