[Alan]

What CAN'T make my day on Halloween?!
But I have to tell you this before I leave.
So I'm getting everything together and dressing to go out and my pretty friend tells me "hey, Erika asked me if she can come with us"
FUCK!
Don't you hate when that happens? A fucking third wheel. But it's more than a third wheel. That girl is obnoxious. She can't tolerate her booze at all. she's fucking annoying when drunk, and as I told you, that happens all too easily. She always gets in the fucking way and likes to stand or sit right between her and me because the obnoxious one used to like me, and because she's hateful overall. And she's always asking for shitty hugs. I'm a huggable person and subsist on hugs and yet I think that this girl hugs like shit.
So I don't want to fucking have to take care of her drunk ass all night and give her hugs like if she were a wasted five-year-old.
How can I tell her not to come with us without sounding like an asshole?

Turns out I don't have to worry about that. My pretty friend told her "No."
A dry, solid "No." No, Erika, stay home on Halloween, we actually want to have fun.
I love my friend.