Quote:
Originally Posted by PortraitOfSanity
I'm not gonna lie, your story is all over the place. I think like the second time your plot got derailed and you went into some side note, I stopped reading.
This reads like some old guy telling war stories, you go off on a tangent and never come back.
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of course, can't be certain that I never come back because, you never finished reading this.
Does it really seem all over the place? I thought I would have been blowing my load if I laid out the antagonist/dogs one by one. I did want to try and develope the character and since this story is a first person narrative; it would have to be him dropping this little details of his life while he goes on his paranoid rant. Even though he's nut's I wanted to show a little humanity coing to the surface.
I do feel like a major asshole for not spacing the paragraphs enough. Someone said that 'a wall of text is not very inviting' and I feel like that what I've got here.
Anyway, PortraitOfSanity (can I call you P.O.S. ?) thanks for atleast taking the time to post. Idont know if I'm going to change this story, but I will keep your critique in mind when i write next.