Some more amazingly funny Texts From Last Night:
[410] - just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
[913] - sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
[773] - Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
[732] - No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
[818] - His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
[678] - I answered my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
[503] - iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
[386] - The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!