[Versus]

They take him to jail, and the next scene is split between the doctor on a bus in an inmate jumpsuit and him being interrogated by the police in their small room. You find out that He's on that SAME densly forrested interstate highway, and that they found five different people's blood on his cloths and don't know where it came from. They don't believe his monster story, so they claim him to be a suspect to murder and collaberator with the escape inmates. They decide it's a good idea to send him back to seattle in a maximim secuirity prison for 30 days? What the hell? Anyway. So he's on this bus with criminals and they talk to him for a bit to introduce 4 more characters. Articulate french fat bald guy, white fat bald guy ..2, 6 foot tall red neck guy, and pretty boy mexican guy who says "WOOO!" too much. They pretty much discuss why the doctor is with them (they don't belive him, of course) The movie then switches AGAIN to a woman driving a car. She hits a deer and stops in the middle of the road. She gets out for no apparent reason, and is then suddenly hit by the convict bus on the same road. Let's analyze this for a moment.

"Oh no! I hit a deer I CLEARLY saw in the road from 500 yards away at 60 miles per hour. I think I should stop my car that, by some miracle, is still in tact in the middle of the road to get out and see that I have, in fact, hit a deer I clearly saw from 500 yards away at 60 miles per hour." She gets out the car and stands in the middle of the road and is completly shocked. What's going through her head is "OH MY GOD! I HIT A DEER THAT I CLEARLY SAW FROM FIVE HUNDRED YARDS AWAY IN MY CAR MOVING AT SIXTY MILES PER HOUR!" At the same time, a bus SUDDENLY hits her. What the fuck. HOW?! "Hey, is that a woman in the road who stopped her car and got out because she clearly saw a deer at 500 yards away while driving at 60 miles per hour and decided to investigate because she hit it and REALLY didn't believe what happened? Must be my eyes playing tricks on mOH FUCK THE BUS IS FPLIPPING OVER." /rant off. Anyway.

So the bus full of convicts kills all the guards, and for some reason there are four left alive and a doctor. One of them randomly gets shot in his junk, so they take the doctor along to try and treat him. They run around the forrest and decide to head north to Canada. Yes. It's not just your imagination. The entire movie is repeating itself. They arrive at the cabin again, but this time it seems no one is home. They look around to find Alice chained to a wall, and decide it's a good idea to ask about where the others are, then **** her. The doctor works on fat bald guy ..2's shot up balls while articulate french fat bald guy talks to alice.

Apparently the others are outside "Feeding." They've secluded themselves from humanity for hundreds of years and have been starving themselves from human blood, trying to ween off it, I guess. The movie switches to this weird dream like place that depicts the dcotor as a boy talking to Alice in a nighttime forrest. She says something along the lines of "I can't go with you. D:" She gives him a guady cross, and he gives her a music box of a chimpanzee with zymols (the kind that you hold in your hands and crash together to make a cacophonous noise) Well The doctor is finished pulling a bullet out of fat bald guy ..2's scrotem, and sees Alice with that same music box and is like "So it was you..." (What. The. Fuck.) Alice has nothing more to say, so all that's next is to **** her. Before Anyone gets their pants off, the vampire mormon ninjas appear by front flipping through their own windows. They see people in their house and are like "HUH?! The next 10 minutes is them getting shot to hell, and hacked up with a bunch of farming tools as well as a CHAINSAW pretty boy mexican guy who says "WOOOO!" too much just randomly finds on the floor. Of course this doesn't *really* kill them, so all the convicts die and it's just the doctor and Alice left again. Alice sets one of them on fire (I can't even remember how, and honestly I stopped carring when the vampire mormon ninjas decide it would be cool to come home by front flipping through their own fucking windows) and they run off through the woods. The movie then switches between them running, a a crow falling and cracking it's head on a rock, and that that weird hazy dream thing. They make it to the interstate and... get this. Seriously.

The doctor is hit by a bus full of convicts. He says to Alice in that weird dream "I have to go. I'll see you again someday. D:" One of the convicts shoots Alice in the head, and she gets up as a vampire. The end. Seriously. The end. That's it. I'm not kidding. There is nothing more. Here's what the back of the movie case should read with a few, more accurate, modifications:

"Shack of Blood.

Bad drivers. Repititious plot lines and
hooks. And a fucking awsome family of
vampire morman ninjas that talk crypticly
and spuradicly. From the outside, this isolated
hunting lodge a short jog away from a busy
interstate highway looked like a perfect hideout
to idiots. But inside, four ruthless convicts and
their terrified hostage are about to uncover the
"HAHA! PWNED!" ancient curse that lives within
the horrible script-spattered walls. Twice. A horrifying
secret that is never actually revealed and no one has yet
to tell. Except Alice. Nor Ever will. Except Alice."

B movies. FUCK YEAH.

I know. "Cool Story, Bro!"