[Versus]

CAMERA CUTS TO HUMANEPAIN AND VERSUS WALKING THROUGH A DIMLY-LIT MAZE OF UNDERGROUND CORRIDORS. ALTHOUGH THEY HURRY THROUGH IN SILENCE, THE AIR THAT FOLLOWS THEM CARRIES A THICK TENSION WITH IT. AFTER A TIME, THE QUIET IS ABRUPTLY BROKEN LIKE THE FIRST THUNDERCLAP OF A COMING STORM.

Versus: [Flatly] Bitch doesn't feel right on you, man.

HumanePain: [Stoically] Hm? What could you mean by that?

V: [Stopping in mid-stride to face him] The floozy. She makes you smell like floral wallpaper and shoe sales.

HP: [Looking at his own feet awkwardly] Shoe sales?

V: [Undeterred] Hello Kitty and pot lucks. Alimony and book clubs. Yaoi and-

HP: [Defensively continues walking] I am afraid I still do not understand you.

V: [Mocking] Understand me? I have a hard enough time understanding you between the baritone queefs that ax wound of yours is making.

HP: [Bargaining] Versus, if you are suggesting-

V: [Shouting] WHAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THAT CHURCH ORGAN BETWEEN YOUR LEGS!

HP: [Defeated] FINE! [Takes a deep breathe before looking Versus in the face] I have fallen in love with Underwater Ophelia.

V: [Tilting his head to the side] L... ove?

HP: You remember that feeling you got when you know something is going to explode, so you walk away from it dramatically and do not turn around to watch it? It is similar to that, but towards another person.

V: [A stupid grin spreads across his face] Fuck yeah! That fucking rules! It's like... [Turns around and walks in place as if in slow motion, then mimics debris flying in front of himself from behind with his arms as he makes explosion sounds with his mouth] Fucking awes- [Stops in mid-sentence as he fully grasps HP's words. He spins back around even more confused then before] Wait. You feel like that with a woman?

HP: [Annoyed] Yes.

V: [Lowering his arms slowly] Oh.

THERE IS ANOTHER LONG SILENCE AS THE TWO WAR BUDDIES SHIFT AROUND AWKWARDLY. HUMANEPAIN CLEARS HIS THROAT. VERSUS CHECKS HIS WATCH. HUMANEPAIN BLOWS HIS NOSE. VERSUS SCRATCHES THE BACK OF HIS HEAD.

V: [Laughs spastically] Oh, shit! For a second I thought you said "with a woman!" [Wipes tears joyfully] I was, like, "uhhhh, HP! Lose the bra, man~" [At length, his laughter dies down eventually]

HP: [Strait faced] I did.

V: Oh...

HP: [Cupping his hands over his chest and looking away, as if smitten by something in the distance] I do not know precisely. I had not noticed, or even fathomed it, before... but all that was necessary was for me to but look upon-

V: [Gagging] I don't need that right now. I just needed to know why you were being weird in there.

HP: [Sighing] Perhaps we could remain friends?

V: [Shaking his head] I don't know, dude. I just don't know. [Begins walking again] I need some time to think. Time to clear my head and shit.

HP: [Placing a wise hand upon his comrade's shoulder] There is not time left, Versus. Unfortunately, [Pointing toward the door at the end of the corridor a short distance from them] I think I will be the least of your difficulties. You have yet to meet the others.

It's still early, so hopefully more to come before I crash.