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I don't like or dislike it, I think it has potential. I kinda feel like you've over used the word 'your' though, using it so much seems to make it like an overly long dig at someone if that makes any sense? I know it's MEANT to be personal but it seems over done to me. Maybe try to re write it a little, removing some of the 'your' parts, I think if you did that, it would read a little better.
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I am your slice of pie
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