My friend dragged me to see the new Twilight bollocks.
Please kill me now.
On the other hand, before the film started ( and it was a good job really ) she was telling me about the brother of a mutual schoolfriend of ours.
She works in the jobcentre, and he came in to make a new unemployment claim. A co-worker had to see to him. The thing is.... He REEKS. He apparantly does not wash. Or brush his teeth.
His shoulder length hair is quite literally slicked back with it's own grease, his teeth have got their furry winter jackets on, and on top of it all he's growing a terrrific hobo style beard.
According to the poor woman who had to deal with him, the smell was so bad she genuinely felt quite ill. She reckons the paper on the desk was curling up and withering from the stench.
But then my friend, sat there in her cinema seat, little pot of icecream in hand, after describing all of the above... suddenly let up a great flapping of insane hands and gasping. She then turned to me and said
" can you imagine how sticky his cock must be ? "
At which point I very loudly went
AAAAAAGH!!!!! and promptly died in my chair, from a combination of hysterical soundless gasping laughter of the sort you can't seem to stop, and pure unadulterated horror at the mental image. I have thought with my eyes and I cannot unthink it.
