[edible_eye]

Originally Posted by Manimal

Wow. Where to begin. I've been looking at this post and the ones that followed for days now - still not quite sure what to say.

I'll start by simply saying that her pain is genuine. The fevers, bleeding and throwing up is real. The inibility for her to eat or sleep is very real. I was there every day and saw it get worse and worse. I was shocked, scared, and completely powerless. She suffers from three major health issues and none of them have a cure. All three of them individually make the body attack itself in a painful manner. When combined they become something that I simply would not have the strength to endure. I am really ashamed of anyone who has trivialized what she has endured for the last 16 years - including myself.

I can't defend some of the decisions she's made - in fact some I don't think I can ever forgive. I know there are others that feel even more strongly than I do - whether it's totally justified or not. All I can say is I tried. And I know that she tried. Circumstances and our own fears of conflict and our weaknesses and her severe illness pushed us onto a devastating path of... I dont even know what to call it.

When everything first came crashing down I was desperate for understanding. I totally broke down. I've never broken down in my entire life - I didnt even think I was capable of such a loss of control - but there it was. For weeks and weeks. It still happens. In my reaching out I talked to people I thought I could trust - I talked to people I knew I shouldnt trust. I asked questions I shouldn't have asked and got answers I shouldn't have been given. So many different versions - so many half truths from all sides. In the end I had to piece it all together on my own - sort through truth - sort through the lies and misinformation. In the end I learned that no one was completely honest with me - not one single person. The vultures were circling overhead and saw blood. Rumors became facts and, according some stuff I've recently read, it hasn't stopped. It's sad really - from all parties involved in this terrible drama. The last couple months have changed me forever and I've learned a lot about who I can trust. Sadly it's a very short list.

We may not be together anymore but she is still my friend. I don't care who doesn't approve. I see a very good friend of mine who's walked a dark path for too long and is in need of help. I see a good friend who I've hurt and who has hurt me but deserves a chance to try and make right some of what has gone so wrong. I see a good friend who's realizing just how far gone she's become and is trying to reach back. I see a good friend who wants to live. I see a good friend who without intervention is going to die.

I can't let that happen. Not to her. Not to any of my friends. Not even the friends so full of hate and impatience that they cannot see but one side of the story. Not even to my friends that would judge and label me harshly for not reacting the way they think I should. I don't have many friends but all them have my loyalty for life. It is both my greatest strength and my greatest weakness.

And for my own rant: I want the public drama over all of this to stop. Every time you guys think you are stabbing each other you're just stabbing me. I'm the guy in the middle trying to make sense of it all so I can do the right thing. Everytime one side tries to plunge a knife in the other it goes through me first - I'm begging you please stop. You may think me wrong, or that I'm making a mistake, or you may even hate me but please if there is any respect there at all - I ask that you keep negative comments and rants centered around our circle private.

i just saw this.

whoa.

just... whoa.