I can relate to what you’re saying—it doesn’t sound like a midlife crisis at all, more like you’re finally letting yourself explore and embrace the aesthetic and music that’s always resonated with you. A lot of people come to Goth (or any subculture) later in life, and honestly, it tends to be more meaningful because it’s a conscious choice rather than just going along with what’s trendy. Your mix of military/goth fashion and the bands you love already fit naturally into the broader scene, and it’s great you’re recognizing that side of yourself now instead of continuing to suppress it. I think of it as a new path with the bonus you mentioned—being open to all sides of yourself, which is something a lot of us don’t give ourselves permission to do until later in life. You’re not alone; plenty of us here at
brickworks atlanta have had those same realizations.