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| General General questions and meet 'n greet and welcome! |
01-13-2010, 10:40 AM
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#1
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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The Onion - America's Finest News Source for the win!
__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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01-13-2010, 10:44 AM
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#2
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Sheffield UK.
Posts: 2,065
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The "kids your mom wants to fuck again!" Was absolutely fucking glorious. 
__________________
Avoid all needle drugs - The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.
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01-13-2010, 11:07 AM
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#3
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Seattle
Posts: 190
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"Very special needs. Like companionship. And affection. And the steady thrust of a man's engorged penis sliding ever so gently, deeper, deeper, inside of her."
ROFLMFAO!
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01-13-2010, 07:12 PM
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#4
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Back in Wisconsin(thinking about invading the south)
Posts: 3,693
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The Onion is a product of Wisconsin.
__________________
"The chaos of the world viewed from a distance reveals perfection."- me
"Never overestimate the intellect of someone so foolish that they would exploit and perpetuate stupidity in the people around them, for they create their own damnation as they tear out and sell the pillars that support society as a whole, bringing it crashing down upon them."-me
“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”- Einstein
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01-14-2010, 05:10 AM
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#5
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Dominican Republic
Posts: 1,423
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Haha!
I think I've been in the situation where my mom was ready to fuck again..
Just that my dad is still alive..
And she escaped to Spain..
Still don't know what she did over there..
*.*
__________________
Lady Astor: “If you were my husband, I’d put arsenic in your coffee.”
Churchill: “Madam, if I were your husband, I’d drink it!”
ピラール
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01-14-2010, 07:07 AM
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#6
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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Yes, the Onion is a product of Wisconsin.
Think they don't have a sense of humor there? The Chicago Bears fans wanted to insult the Green Bay Packer fans, so they started calling the Wisconsinites "cheeseheads", thinking that would really hurt their feelings. Look what happened with that.
Plus, they drink a whole hella lot. I had to move to Texas to cut back!
o-0
__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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01-15-2010, 12:49 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Back in Wisconsin(thinking about invading the south)
Posts: 3,693
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger
Yes, the Onion is a product of Wisconsin.
Think they don't have a sense of humor there? The Chicago Bears fans wanted to insult the Green Bay Packer fans, so they started calling the Wisconsinites "cheeseheads", thinking that would really hurt their feelings. Look what happened with that.
Plus, they drink a whole hella lot. I had to move to Texas to cut back!
o-0
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Ahem..... I live in Wisconsin. I was displaying my state pride in that post.
__________________
"The chaos of the world viewed from a distance reveals perfection."- me
"Never overestimate the intellect of someone so foolish that they would exploit and perpetuate stupidity in the people around them, for they create their own damnation as they tear out and sell the pillars that support society as a whole, bringing it crashing down upon them."-me
“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”- Einstein
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01-15-2010, 03:06 PM
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#8
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Renatus
Ahem..... I live in Wisconsin. I was displaying my state pride in that post.
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Yeah. I was born and raised there. Me too.
__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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01-15-2010, 07:38 PM
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#9
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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Mark McGwire Admits It Was Really Fucking Fun Hitting Baseballs So Far
"I can't remember having a better time in all of my life," McGwire said during an hour-long interview with the MLB Network's Bob Costas. "Do you have any idea what it's like knowing instantly that a ball you hit is going to fly—no, soar—over a fence in a major-league stadium? Well, I do. And it's fucking fantastic."
"I'm sorry everyone had a problem with it," McGwire added. "But I was having a blast."
Bwah-hah-hah-hah-hah!
__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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01-20-2010, 11:13 AM
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#10
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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More stories from The Onion:
Struggling US Airways Introduces $100 Million Bomb Fee
With holiday traffic down almost 4 percent compared to last year and business continuing to decline, US Airways announced Monday that it would allow VIP customers to bring bombs on board its flights for a one-time $100 million fee.
Make-A-Reasonable-Request Foundation Provides Sick Child With Decent Seats To Minnesota Timberwolves Game
"He originally wanted to sit on the bench and meet the players, but we were able to talk him down to a pair of sensibly priced tickets to a Monday home game."
God's Wrath According To Pat Robertson
700 Club founder Pat Robertson stated that the earthquake in Haiti, which may have killed 100,000 people, was God's punishment for a deal Haitian slaves made with the devil 200 years ago to get out from under French rule. Here are some other tragedies and Robertson's explanations for them.
AND
VH1 Reality Show Bus Crashes In California Causing Major Slut Spill - VIDEO!
"Downwind the stench of perfume and tequila mixed together is pretty difficult to stomach."
Ha ha ha ha!
__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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01-28-2010, 02:08 AM
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#11
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 44
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surie. Nice bikiny girl
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01-28-2010, 10:43 AM
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#12
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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01-29-2010, 10:59 AM
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#13
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,721
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__________________
All pleasure is relief from tension. - William S. Burroughs
Witches have no wit, said the magician who was weak.
Hula, hula, said the witches. - Norman Mailer
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01-29-2010, 11:10 AM
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#14
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child
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Fuckin'-A, that is spot on perfect! LMAO!!!!
__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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02-06-2010, 08:20 AM
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#15
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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Obama To Wait For Next Bruce Springsteen Album For Word On Economy
Mayonnaise, Black Forest Ham To Share Top Billing In Upcoming Sandwich
Video - Crime Reporter: Man Had Sex With Wife Thousands Of Times Before Killing Her
In this episode of 'Raw Justice,' a depraved sex fiend violated his wife's body almost weekly for ten years before finally murdering her.
'Lancet' Retracts Autism Paper
"That's obvious. Vaccines don't cause autism. Not telling your kids to smarten up and get their heads out of their asses does."
__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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02-12-2010, 03:44 AM
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#16
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Seattle
Posts: 190
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02-12-2010, 03:48 AM
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#17
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: new zealand
Posts: 255
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger
God's Wrath According To Pat Robertson
700 Club founder Pat Robertson stated that the earthquake in Haiti, which may have killed 100,000 people, was God's punishment for a deal Haitian slaves made with the devil 200 years ago to get out from under French rule. Here are some other tragedies and Robertson's explanations for them.
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Can't fucking believe it..guess vampires are going to take over the world next o.O
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02-12-2010, 07:24 AM
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#18
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Greater KC area.
Posts: 87
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Pat Robertson has made a career out of being a raving lunatic, this is just the latest in a very long series of stupid sayings..
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02-12-2010, 07:29 AM
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#19
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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Yeah, but did you click on the link? The Onion article is a brilliant spoof and simultaneously a scathing indictment of his practices! And it's hilarious. If you missed it, go see it NOW!!!!
__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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02-23-2010, 03:19 PM
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#20
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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Ford Recalls 2010 Mustang For Being Too Cool
DETROIT—-Ford officials issued a massive recall of the entire 2010 Mustang line Tuesday, apologizing for a quality-control oversight that led to the company manufacturing a badass muscle car that was way too awesome for the American public. "We deeply regret this lapse in judgment and accept full responsibility for the mistake," Ford CEO Alan R. Mulally said standing beside a gorgeous, cherry-red vehicle recalled for being "way too smoking." "After numerous road tests, we've found the car to be a mean, mean ride that Americans are simply not cool enough to handle, and it would be irresponsible of us to allow anyone to get behind the wheel of this killer car. It's truly frightening how sweet the Mustang is." According to Mulally, Ford has canceled production on the 2011 Mustang, and will instead release a line of fuel-efficient vehicles in an effort to appeal to boring old Americans.
__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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02-23-2010, 03:25 PM
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#21
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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Tiger Woods Announces Return To Sex
PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL—In an announcement highly anticipated by sex fans around the world, Tiger Woods told a small gathering of reporters, family, and lovers Friday that the most dominant fornicator on the planet would soon return to sex.
"Not being able to get out there and have sex has really been tough on me," Woods said. "I've missed it. I love fucking with all my heart."
Woods said that during his brief time away from sex, he couldn't stop thinking about one day resuming his daily regimen of sexual intercourse with random women who look vaguely like his wife, only skankier.
"When I am out there having sex, I am in complete control," said Woods, an acknowledged master of the long game who claims he is only truly at peace when he is between the legs of a woman. "It's just me and my thoughts. And a high-end escort. And the lounge dancer. And sometimes [caddie] Stevie. And probably some stewardess I just met."
"I'm so into it that I usually just block out all the cameras," Woods added.
(click link above for more)
__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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02-23-2010, 03:38 PM
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#22
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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03-20-2010, 11:39 AM
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#23
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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03-20-2010, 11:56 AM
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#24
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,548
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Hahahaha, I can see that one actually happening.
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03-20-2010, 08:43 PM
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#25
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The United States
Posts: 86
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I think that one above actually did happen and the onion news is only expanding on the hilarity. I was reading yahoo news this morning and I seem to remember something about that story.
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