In The Painting (Poem from a newbie)
I'm fairly new to this site and after lurking the Literature threads I've seen some rather well educated posters giving some awesome critique of poems as well as the fair share of a$$holes that just defecate on anything they read.
With that said I wanted to get some advice/critique on one of my poems, I've submitted it to other online sites and the reception was fairly decent, but I want what they haven't offered which is what I think I can find here...
Also, if you want me to elaborate on the story behind the poem feel free to ask, I'm not exactly known to clearly convey a point in my poems.
At any rate here is the poem titled In the Painting...
There is a feature in my painting
I need to paint it black
This foreboding scene has haunted me
And reminds me of my past
It reaches out and touches me
It cries for me in pain
It teaches me the lessons
Through the brushstrokes' sweet refrain
There is an image in my mirror
It taunts me in the dark
Beside my torn reflection
It deridingly leaves its mark
The ghosts of my past actions
Possessed me in the night
Moved my hand to the canvas
And brought my crimes to light
This feature, it is taunting me
It drains me of my might
This image seeks to kill me
Against it, I can't fight
Bring me back to sanity
To that which I don't deserve
Take from me what I don't need
Please listen to my words
Release before the judgment
Torment before the end
Enlightenment before demise
A break before the bend
There is a feature in my painting
I need to paint it black
This image holds me still inside
I cannot be brought back.
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