Rant Thread II - Page 352

TrivialMorose · 04-29-2020, 09:26 PM

I have a constant, tight feeling in my chest. Just waiting for the hammer to fall. No, it's not a heart attack, just the news that I know are coming. I'm already crushed and it's still going to be crushing. I can't take it, I can't take this.

TrivialMorose · 04-30-2020, 06:03 AM

More whining and wallowing. I spent most of the day today trying to get back on that daunting horse and write. I didn't get anything good or anything substantial done. As usual, I feel like a complete failure.

I think, though I cannot be sure, that the main problem is that I can see no prospects. Even if I were to finish writing anything, I'd have nothing to do with it. It would all be for nothing, and that's really scary. I guess I really just wish somebody would for once in my life tell me, "good job", and that's just about the most pathetic thing I know... Oh, how I hate myself right now. I loathe, I vomit, I want to tear my skin off...

Right now, I'm actually kind of in the middle of doing dishes while listening to Evestus. I can't even dance today for the pressure I feel inside my head because of this... this thing that just hangs over me...

Everything sucks...

TrivialMorose · 04-30-2020, 06:22 AM

It's not even just concerning writing that I see no prospects. This feeling pervades everything. I have nothing to look forward to.

Just felt I needed to add that.

Today is a booze day (wtf?). I wish I enjoyed that. I don't.

Bah.

TrivialMorose · 04-30-2020, 01:15 PM

I did manage to write something today, after all. Not much, not good, perhaps not even useful, but at least it was better than a flat zero. At least now Choronzon can't climb up me tonight.

But all the problems persist.

And I also tried to paint today, and, ugh, it went just horribly. I can't draw worth a spit. And it sucks, because I have a project in mind, a vision, for something I'd like to do, but I'm just not good enough. Never good enough.

Whine.

Garrrrr-bage...

TrivialMorose · 04-30-2020, 01:18 PM

I just looked up and saw me talking to myself, and the sight was very sad.

shadowynne · 05-06-2020, 01:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrivialMorose

I just looked up and saw me talking to myself, and the sight was very sad.

For some reason I find this strangely beautiful.

TrivialMorose · 05-06-2020, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadowynne

For some reason I find this strangely beautiful.

No thing that has some beauty in it has been a complete waste... Something that I've liked to think, but it sounds fallacious and stupid now that I've written it down. Oh, well.

UnderwaterOphelia · 05-07-2020, 03:19 PM

Fuck it, I'll rant.
I hate that I have cancer. It's dumb as fuck and I don't wish it on anyone, ever. My throat is burning like chemical burn feeling and it makes even drinking water nearly impossible. Which works alongside the biblical diarrhea to drain you of all moisture, giving you cracking skin, headaches, and dizziness, among other bullshit.

TrivialMorose · 05-07-2020, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UnderwaterOphelia

Fuck it, I'll rant.
I hate that I have cancer. It's dumb as fuck and I don't wish it on anyone, ever. My throat is burning like chemical burn feeling and it makes even drinking water nearly impossible. Which works alongside the biblical diarrhea to drain you of all moisture, giving you cracking skin, headaches, and dizziness, among other bullshit.

I hate that you have cancer, too. Fucking sucks.

I just wrote a long health rant also, but before I was even finished, I decided it was too... negative... a subject for me and I took it off. I still saved what I wrote in case I later change my mind. Now I'll try to get something done with my creative writing projects, or something.

TrivialMorose · 05-19-2020, 10:27 PM

Can I say fuck? Can I say shit? Can I even say gothic ******?

Hahahahahaha, Seems I can curse but that last one is still too vile! That is so funny...

shadowynne · 05-20-2020, 12:17 PM

Good gods man, whatever did you say?

TrivialMorose · 05-23-2020, 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadowynne

Good gods man, whatever did you say?

Only the most horrible and depraved thing any man can say!

Good thing I'm already crazy, else I would have risked losing my marbles!

TrivialMorose · 05-27-2020, 12:59 PM

I am currently very stressed out because I’m writing a short story on a tight deadline of one week.

The really sad part is, that realistically, a chimpanzee randomly mashing on a keyboard could write this story from start to finish in just two days. Alas, I am not quite on the level of chimpanzees and chance.

I am now one day behind on my self-imposed, very abstract schedule. And that is pissing me off.

Couple days left.

Time's a-ticking aweigh.

I'm so, so, SO gonna fail this. Then "you" can "all" laugh at me.

TrivialMorose · 05-29-2020, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrivialMorose

I'm so, so, SO gonna fail this. Then "you" can "all" laugh at me.

Update on this, I actually finished the story. So you'll have to postpone your laughs until I get the rejection letter for it.
It came out slightly shorter than I had intended, so, it would have taken the chimp just one day of mashing, where it took me a whole week of hard thought writing. So I succeeded, and yet I feel like a failure for it.

Also, I'll have to send it to the publisher today, so that means I don't get the chance to edit it as much as I would like to.

Eah, this is so terrible... wish me luck "guys". Really, please, please, pretty please, wish me luck, I fucking need it.

TrivialMorose · 06-21-2020, 07:03 AM

My story got rejected because nobody wished me luck... Is sad

TrivialMorose · 06-21-2020, 07:07 AM

I feel like this is the abyss.

TrivialMorose · 06-22-2020, 12:40 PM

Whine.

Like good wine.

TrivialMorose · 07-03-2020, 01:14 PM

Barring a miracle, it's quite obvious by now that I'm not going to finish SPL in time. I've pretty much given up. I'm just too depressed about all the shit to try.

I can't handle these rejections like a normal person, I'm way too fucked up and fragile...

And I know this won't make sense to anyone because I've only written in fragments on random threads...

And

I

B

-

-

Next weekend will be the last time I will ever have fun ever again. That is a really fucking fucked up thing...

TrivialMorose · 07-03-2020, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrivialMorose

Next weekend will be the last time I will ever have fun ever again. That is a really fucking fucked up thing...

And that's, like, just a narrative that I've caught myself in, that I should break myself free of. But it all comes back down to this:

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrivialMorose

I can't handle these rejections like a normal person, I'm way too fucked up and fragile...

I am not this strong!

Watch me watch me unravel right alongside "you", guys...

TrivialMorose · 07-07-2020, 02:12 AM

I haven't really written anything in a long while. I've been mostly doodling crap, wallowing in misery, and spending way too much in the dead threads of this site... I hate myself so, so, so very much.

I wish I'd had what it takes to keep writing SPL.

Woe eternal.

TrivialMorose · 07-07-2020, 03:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrivialMorose

I wish I'd had what it takes to keep writing SPL.

It's just so sad. I have such a nice skeleton for it, the whole plot is completed, and, albeit poorly, each scene is separately outlined. It should be so easy, but I just can't bring myself to actually write it.
I feel so shitty about it, last time they told me my story wasn't what they were after, and this one is obviously even less what they want, so that just kills it. Murders any motivation.
(Maybe it also might have something to do with it, that their last deal was very sweet, and this time it's lame. Like, last time they paid really well for the stories they picked, this time it's pennies and they want longer stories. And in my opinion even the is harder this time.)
I hate it that I can never have any goals.
I never have any reason. In any sense of the word.

Hate.

TrivialMorose · 07-07-2020, 03:48 AM

Bah, my above message is a mess. I was editing it but I got caught in adding more and more gripes until the seven minutes were up and it swallowed all the shit I wrote in that time. That's annoying.

Rant-rant-rant.
Hate-hate-hate.
Woe-woe-woe.

TrivialMorose · 07-13-2020, 04:33 AM

The real world no longer exists.

TrivialMorose · 07-30-2020, 12:31 AM

I probably scared everybody off, didn't I? That's what I always do.

Geoluhread · 11-25-2020, 05:09 PM

Woe is me, my life is so mundane. This quarantine is killing the last of my brain cells.
Many might say that I should thank my lucky stars to still have a job and a roof over my head.

But that doesn't stop the fact that I am so utterly bored.

Painting walls, hair, crafts <- all done, several times. Writing. Listening to music. Going on walks. Sitting on my ass all day and binge watch everything. Done, done, and done. I'm even learning a new language.

GAAAAH

I never thought that I need people like this.