In The Ruins, A Maniac

[Angelic Dissonance]

A strange cycle
Circle of dreams
Eyes are murky
As it seems, it's muddy waters
and rot is in my chest

Days become one
which were two,
and run together
as distant trees,
I confess that I'm oppressed
by bricks, though I'm free;
bricks I placed
In other days
in distant memory.
Who will find me
raving, wild-eyed
as a madman in these,
these imaginary shackes,
these tattered clothes,
these ruins of the prison
that I once did create?

For their creation is served, the purpose
obsolete. I feel amnesia,
starvation, defeat. And yet....

I fall not, I'm still here, without cease.
As for here... who can reach?

[TheFeatheredÆtheling]

I say, Angelic, this poem is MUCH better. You use a good, organized style here, and a central message definately unifies the whole work. As I read the poem, it seems to describe some kind of internal, oppressive darkness form the past: perhaps addiction, bitterness, or guilt. Its tone is sad and almost desperate, and this suits the harsh nature of the poem beautifully. Very well done.

[allyssa]

Days become one
which were two,
and run together
as distant trees,


I love this imagery very much .......it makes me think of black trees bleeding into
a bleached sky..I like the imagery in a poem the most..i like it when artists can create complex visions. That is the reason I am enamored with lovecraft

[Dama de los Cuervos]

These are some deep sentiments. I really like your combination of rhyme and free verse. It flows well somehow. "Imaginary shackles." I like that line. It reminds me of something I wrote in high school. **sighs** I look forward to reading more of your works here!

[gothicusmaximus]

four little idiots postin' in a row
I'm pretty sure they've never read an actual poe... m.

[Dama de los Cuervos]

Cute. You write that all by yourself?

[TheFeatheredÆtheling]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

four little idiots postin' in a row
I'm pretty sure they've never read an actual poe... m.

Wow... Is this a vain attempt at some sort of pun? Perhaps, I overestimated your wit, Gothicus. Since you clearly fancy yourself such a master, why don't you post one of your own poems for us all to read? Yes, do show us "idiots" your superior skill, won't you? You're not afraid, are you, "Maximus"?

[gothicusmaximus]

Indeed I did. I probably should have made a separate thread for it-- then you could **sigh**.

[HumanePain]

I love the emotional separation; isolation usually does produce madness, and painful events sometimes disorganize our thoughts.
Well done AD.

[TheFeatheredÆtheling]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

Indeed I did. I probably should have made a separate thread for it-- then you could **sigh**.

**sigh** Poor, exasperated Gothicus... Are you frustrated that I failed to acknowledge your desperately pathetic little ditty as an actual poem, or are you frustrated at your own lack of confidence in answering my challenge with something of substance?

[JCC]

Originally Posted by TheFeatheredÆtheling

**sigh** Poor, exasperated Gothicus... Are you frustrated that I failed to acknowledge your desperately pathetic little ditty as an actual poem, or are you frustrated at your own lack of confidence in answering my challenge with something of substance?

I think he's trying to say "I have poems posted on this forum, you could go and look at them any time you wanted if you weren't such a fucking halfwit".

[gothicusmaximus]

**sigh** Poor, exasperated Gothicus... Are you frustrated that I failed to acknowledge your desperately pathetic little ditty as an actual poem, or are you frustrated at your own lack of confidence in answering my challenge with something of substance?

That post was for the other asshole. We seem to have posted at around the same time, so I missed your post last night.

Originally Posted by TheFeatheredÆtheling

Wow... Is this a vain attempt at some sort of pun??

TheFeatheredAethling can't tell rhyming from punning
and yet somehow I don't find that revelation stunning

Perhaps, I overestimated your wit, Gothicus.

You also overestimated how many commas this sentence needs. My wit is fair game, but that is not something you should be estimating.

Since you clearly fancy yourself such a master

One needn't be a master to recognize a shitty poem, one needs only to be more discerning than an utter moron. That's why I'm saying 'you're idiots', rather than 'you aren't masters'.

Why don't you post one of your own poems for us all to read? Yes, do show us "idiots" your superior skill, won't you? You're not afraid, are you, "Maximus"?

What happened that screeching "LET'S SEE YOU DO BETTER" has become the literature forum's favored method of deflection? I would speak to the inanity of this reasoning, but humoring you is probably slightly less futile.
I have posted more than one poem here for you all to see. Here is how to go about viewing them:

1. Click on my name
2. Click 'statistics'
3. Click 'threads started by gothicusmaximus'
4. Click page 2
5. Click on threads made in the Literature forum, which are mostly poems.

Enjoy.

[Dama de los Cuervos]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

Indeed I did. I probably should have made a separate thread for it-- then you could **sigh**.

Asshole? Come, come, now. No need for such epithets.

Poetry is, by it's nature, subjective, so I understand if you don't like AD's poem, but perhaps some constructive criticism would be more useful than calling names.

In any case, I look forward to reading some of your poetry! Have a lovely evening, Gothicus!

[TheFeatheredÆtheling]

Gothicus, I see I did misunderstand your reply. Also, your points addressed to me are valid enough. Too bad you don't use the same level of care in constructive criticism that you do in defending your own posts. Anyway, like Dama, I'll look back into your old poems.