Lyrics to a song I'm working on, any thoughts?
 

Here… we... GO!

You see prosperity
In other people’s misery

You want more dollar bills
You don’t care who it kills

Send the young to die at war
You’re a money grubbing oil whore

Bodies lying in a ditch
Every death just makes you rich!

You’re an elected criminal
The worst leader we’ve ever had
You’re an elected criminal
When you die we’ll all be glad!

Eight years of slavery
Make up your presidency

Dictator President full of shit
Why don’t you just fucking quit?

Economy gone down in flames
The price of your financial gains

We’re so far down into debt
Soon we will have nothing left

Enough with the war in Iraq
Bring our fucking soldiers back!

You’re an elected criminal
The worst leader we’ve ever had
You’re an elected criminal
When you die we’ll all be glad!
You’re an elected criminal
The worst leader we’ve ever had
You’re an elected criminal
When you die we’ll all be glad!

It would make a good punk song... sort of. Needs more anti-establishment. But GOOD. I'd roll with it at face value.

I fully intend on writing more anti-establishment songs. I want to write one song against general government, one song against religion, and such. However, I had some pent up anger at our commander in chief... >_>

I hear ya.....

To be honest, the first part looks like an encyclopedia of cliché aphorisms.
I'd say either expand or take out the part of sending kids to war for oil.

Hmm... interesting. Any suggestions?

I changed the first part to


You started a pointless war
You’re just a filthy oil whore

A million people fucking dead
We should have hung you instead

Your great prosperity
Came from people’s misery

Bodies lying in a ditch
Every death just makes you rich!

i like the your lyrics!
have you got the rythm?

I've already got a rough version of the verse, including bass, guitar, and drums.

sounds like hard rock!!

... Jolly well good for you mate, but get yer own thread.

I got a rough one, but I haven't quite worked out a good melody yet.

haha i wrote "i like the your lyrics" lol i just saw that! How stupid!
Anyway I'm sure you'll come up with something! It'll be nice if you go smoothly in the beggining and then go rough! Something like "The Pretender" by Foo Fighters etc

I like DOA by them, but all their songs are quite great. I highly prefer them to Dave Grhol's old band, Nirvana. For one thing, Grhol can actually sing...

I was noodling on my guitar and I figured out something, but it's not fitting like I want it to.

Maybe it needs a few changes in order to fit in!