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| Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books. |
08-01-2008, 10:00 PM
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#1
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Raxacoricofallapatorius
Posts: 1,750
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Lyrics to a song I'm working on, any thoughts?
Here… we... GO!
You see prosperity
In other people’s misery
You want more dollar bills
You don’t care who it kills
Send the young to die at war
You’re a money grubbing oil whore
Bodies lying in a ditch
Every death just makes you rich!
You’re an elected criminal
The worst leader we’ve ever had
You’re an elected criminal
When you die we’ll all be glad!
Eight years of slavery
Make up your presidency
Dictator President full of shit
Why don’t you just fucking quit?
Economy gone down in flames
The price of your financial gains
We’re so far down into debt
Soon we will have nothing left
Enough with the war in Iraq
Bring our fucking soldiers back!
You’re an elected criminal
The worst leader we’ve ever had
You’re an elected criminal
When you die we’ll all be glad!
You’re an elected criminal
The worst leader we’ve ever had
You’re an elected criminal
When you die we’ll all be glad!
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08-01-2008, 10:03 PM
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#2
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Harlem
Posts: 6,909
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It would make a good punk song... sort of. Needs more anti-establishment. But GOOD. I'd roll with it at face value.
__________________
No Gods. No Kings.
Not all beliefs and ideas are equal.
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08-01-2008, 10:32 PM
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#3
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Raxacoricofallapatorius
Posts: 1,750
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I fully intend on writing more anti-establishment songs. I want to write one song against general government, one song against religion, and such. However, I had some pent up anger at our commander in chief... >_>
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08-01-2008, 10:43 PM
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#4
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Harlem
Posts: 6,909
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I hear ya.....
__________________
No Gods. No Kings.
Not all beliefs and ideas are equal.
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08-01-2008, 10:57 PM
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#5
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: El Paso, Texas/ Ciudad Juarez, Chihuahua
Posts: 9,203
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To be honest, the first part looks like an encyclopedia of cliché aphorisms.
I'd say either expand or take out the part of sending kids to war for oil.
__________________
"No theory, no ready-made system, no book that has ever been written will save the world.
I cleave to no system. I am a true seeker."
-Mikhail Bakunin
Quote:
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Originally Posted by George Carlin
People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
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08-01-2008, 11:05 PM
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#6
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Raxacoricofallapatorius
Posts: 1,750
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Hmm... interesting. Any suggestions?
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08-01-2008, 11:18 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Raxacoricofallapatorius
Posts: 1,750
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I changed the first part to
You started a pointless war
You’re just a filthy oil whore
A million people fucking dead
We should have hung you instead
Your great prosperity
Came from people’s misery
Bodies lying in a ditch
Every death just makes you rich!
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08-02-2008, 09:33 AM
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#8
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Anywhere
Posts: 25
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i like the your lyrics!
have you got the rythm?
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08-02-2008, 12:42 PM
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#9
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Temple of Love
Posts: 1,641
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I've already got a rough version of the verse, including bass, guitar, and drums.
__________________
NyQuil – the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine
Kontan - "Eventually, you ended up looking like the freaking grim reaper towards the end of the game.
Now we got this cracked out jungle hobo...."
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08-02-2008, 02:16 PM
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#10
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Anywhere
Posts: 25
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Wormboy
I've already got a rough version of the verse, including bass, guitar, and drums.
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sounds like hard rock!!
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08-03-2008, 11:56 AM
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#11
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Raxacoricofallapatorius
Posts: 1,750
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Wormboy
I've already got a rough version of the verse, including bass, guitar, and drums.
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... Jolly well good for you mate, but get yer own thread.
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08-03-2008, 11:58 AM
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#12
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Raxacoricofallapatorius
Posts: 1,750
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by BloodyLivingVampire
i like the your lyrics!
have you got the rythm?
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I got a rough one, but I haven't quite worked out a good melody yet.
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08-04-2008, 04:31 AM
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#13
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Anywhere
Posts: 25
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haha i wrote "i like the your lyrics" lol i just saw that! How stupid!
Anyway I'm sure you'll come up with something! It'll be nice if you go smoothly in the beggining and then go rough! Something like "The Pretender" by Foo Fighters etc
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08-04-2008, 02:25 PM
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#14
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Raxacoricofallapatorius
Posts: 1,750
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I like DOA by them, but all their songs are quite great. I highly prefer them to Dave Grhol's old band, Nirvana. For one thing, Grhol can actually sing...
I was noodling on my guitar and I figured out something, but it's not fitting like I want it to.
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08-18-2008, 05:06 AM
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#15
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Anywhere
Posts: 25
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Maybe it needs a few changes in order to fit in!
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