Should I give up on love?

[lonelygirl17]

It seems as though every time I allow myself to fall for someone, he rejects me in some way. My first boyfriend in high school used me for a trophy girlfriend so I dumped him. I fell in love again with my long distance friend. I finally got the courage to tell how I felt and he rejected me. I fell for a few other boys and I found out they were either already taken or they were gay. When I started college, I fell for a boy in my drawing class then I found he liked another girl in the class. She was outgoing, not socially awkward like me. I painfully got over that.

Then another boy transferred to my design class and he talked to me. The next fews days he sat next to me and talked to me. I found that were a lot alike. We both were artist, anime freaks, gamers, and loved dark stuff. We even told eachother our love lives. He told me he had a girlfriend who he broke up with because he was a very active person and the girl was a lot like me- quiet, reserved, preferred stay inside than to get too active. Basically, she was too "boring" for him.

Though he didn't flat out reject me, he might as well have. I'm just like his old girlfriend and he wouldn't want anything more than friendship from me. It hurts. I found the perfect partner for me and once again it's unrequited. I refuse to change myself so I could have a chance with him so I'm stuck being loveless yet again.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't desperately throw myself on a guy like a lot of girls around here. I don't act like I forgot my voice when I talk with a guy. I go slow instead of jumping in and I STILL get rejected.

I've noticed I keep getting rejected for more extroverted girls. I shouldn't be surprised. Since when have men went for the nerdy, quiet types like me? I can't take the constant rejections. It's like I'm not meant to fall in love. I'm beginning to give up.

I don't expect anyone to reply. I'm struggling to get over yet another heartbreak.

[maggot]

Are you sure it's not that you blow them off without realizing it?

[delicti]

Hey, things always hurt when they don't work out. Just keep trying, eventually you'll find someone who's a right fit.

[Miss Cogs]

Don't worry, things will turn out for the best. You have to go through pain before you find love. That's what I believe. I experienced the pain before love and was just about to give till I found someone for me.

Don't give up on love please.

[killer_asian_Dax]

You're focusing TOO MUCH on it. Just put it all in the basement of your mind and focus on more important things- like making acareer for yourself and improving the things about yourself that you don't like. The rest will fall into place. STOP THINKING!

[Miss Cogs]

Or another way to put it, is try not to focus on it too much. You shouldn't stop thinking completly. Good heavens, no. But like Killer_Asian_Dax said, try focusing on other things and eventually everything will fall into place.

[lonelygirl17]

I know that my education is important and I had no intention of having romantic feelings when I came to college. It just happened and I'm getting over it. I admit I am the type of girl who chooses education over distracting things like romance and that maybe the reason I have such bad luck at love. It really may just be my fault for why I get rejected so much. I don't know.

I have been( and still am) working toward improving myself as I suffer from an Inferiority Complex ( which I have my reasons for) and I used to be a bit of a perfectionist. And I am annoyed at myself for getting distracted by a guy like that. I'm not usually like this. Also, I DID say that I refused to change myself even though I could have had chance with him if I did.

What I'm basically saying is that I DO focus on more important things, but I can't help but feel a bit lonely sometimes. Is that a crime?

Besides, I can't stop thinking even if I wanted to. I've been told many times that I think too much. It's a bad habit I can't seem to break.

Thanks for the advice though.

[DarkGentleman]

I've been single for over a year and a half and I have tried asking some women out and of course I got rejected many times. Rejection isn't something we want to face at all, but it happens for some reasons or that person isn't willing to give it a chance to know you.
I kinda gave up on love for a while and it is a lonely feeling but then again I have other things I can focus on, which is my sewing projects and my teenage daughter. I do hope someday I will meet someone that won't reject me.

Do listen to and trust your heart more, it will tell you when you are truly ready for romance. I know it sounds crazy, but in time it will help you understand.

[Graveyard.Crow]

I say there has got to be a guy who is fit for you. I mean common, your demands don't seem to be half bad and if they can't be satisfied than I don't know what us REALLY picky people can even hope for.
I bet there is tons of guys who will not find you boring but like to stay inside as well.

[Nevan]

Girl I'm not trying to flame you here but reading your posts I have to agree with maggot.

*this is SO going to sound insensitive*

You may not see a problem with yourself but apparently others do – and it's probably all about your attitude.

I mean come on. With a name like 'lonelygirl17' you're already revealing loads about yourself without even having to open your mouth. According to you, you never say or do anything that could make a guy think you’re throwing yourself at him and all that, and I believe you. But then again, you don’t have to say anything. How you think of yourself is much more visible to others than what you may realize.

Of course, there’s NOTHING wrong with being lonely. Everybody gets lonely at some time. But how do you deal with it? Making your loneliness so blatantly obvious to the world brings you across as a negative, depressed and dependent person with terrible self-esteem. And that is not attractive.

IT’S NOT because you’re shy and would rather stay at home than go clubbing. Some men are attracted to that and will love you for being that way. Kudos to you for refusing to ‘change yourself’ for some guy ( because He’d have seen right through you at some stage anyway).

I agree with the other people here that said you’re focusing too much on finding love. I’d also say you’re focusing too much on your loneliness. It may be hard to deal with – but you also have to accept that there is not someone for everyone. You’re not Cinderella. There is no prince charming. Some people live their entire lives not having experienced real love – not even once. You have to deal with it that you could be one of those people and move on with your life. No other person in the world is going to make you un-lonely than you yourself.

[LaBelleDameSansMerci]

The other thing, is that the person you might be right for, and who might be right for you, isn't immediately obvious. It might take time for you to develop a love for someone, but that love would probably be really strong, and possibly requited. Often, I find, at least, people to whom I'm immediately attracted to (rare as that is; I'm so asocial it's almost sick) turn out to be unavailable, unsuitable, unappealing, etc. in the end.
As people have said, focus on friends and education. You'll probably find someone at some point, and hopefully it'll work out.

[TopHaggardDoll]

Trust me, you can have problems finding guys due to being too extrovert and dominant. It's happened to me.

In most cases, falling in love and it being returned just happens without thinking.

After breaking up with one guy I was single for nearly a year until I met my current boyfriend and do you know what I did!?
I left it, I left life to take it's course. Now i'm in the best relationship I have ever been in and so far it's lasted over a year. Pretty good for someone who wasn't looking.
You've just got to be strong, hold your head up high and be okay with being single and be okay with just being you.

[Minyaliel]

Darling, don't fret. I agree with Nevan in this case - desperate, even if only communicated by the means of body language, is very unattractive (I'd never fall for someone, be it a guy or a girl, whom I thought might just have picked me because I was the only option left). Just relax and let everything come naturally, mmkay? I used to be like you. Then I realized it was just bloody stupid, got over it and found the world to be a much better place afterward. Yes, you'll still fall in love, and yes, you'll be rejected, but see it like this: c'est la vie. You can't have everything you drool over. You've got a whole life in front of you. I'd only start getting desperate if I found myself to be a virgin at my 60th birthday. Which won't happen anyway... *grin*

[Metabolik]

Love pisses me off, all it does is depress me day in day out. But i'm not saying you should give up on it as you would probably have more success than me. It's hard being 13.

[prophecyofdoom]

Never give up. The thing about life is.... You never know what's gonna come down the pike.

A romantic dry spell can last for years, then all of a sudden you might be fending off the attention of several different suitors, all of whom seem like they'd be good boyfriend material!

No matter how negative or "boring" you might be to most people, there will be some people that think you're amazing just the way you are. Probably guys who are even nerdier and more antisocial than yourself, who you won't be interested in!

Seriously, I think you're giving up way too easily! You honestly never even tried to get together with a guy you were attratced to just because he liked someone else at the time? And he was single? A little lighthearted and playful flirting on you part could have gotten his radar focused on YOU. Sometimes all a woman has to do is bend over to pick up a pencil in front of a man, and she's got his full attention... At least for a little while.

Don't get so easily discouraged! Everyone falls for someone who is not their type at some point. Maybe a guy can be interested in you even if he usually likes more extroverted girls.
They make books on this stuff, if you don't think you can pull off "lighthearted flirting"...

You have already been given the very good advice of focusing on bulding a filling life for yourself as a single person before stressing out about becoming part of a couple. You will attract more emotionally healthy people if you are satisfied with yourself first. If you don't mind attracting psychos, you can always take out an ad in your local personal listings "lonely girl with self esteem issues seeks soulmate". There are men who seek out women like yourself so they can feel "in charge" in a relationship.... I know because I've dated some of them....

You can increase your chances of having a healthy relationship if you're willing to put some work into it. Nobody likes going on job interviews, but they have to if they want to get a job. Go out and socialize a couple nights a week, even if you'd rather be home reading a book. Go anywhere and everywhere you can. Social skills are worth developing if they don't come naturally to you. This is not changing yourself to get a man, it's broadening your horizions and it will help you in all aspects of life.

[Metabolik]

I change my mind from my last post, love is great, it's the best thing in life. Kep looking and you will find someone!

[electrosexual]

Originally Posted by Nevan

Girl I'm not trying to flame you here but reading your posts I have to agree with maggot.

*this is SO going to sound insensitive*

You may not see a problem with yourself but apparently others do – and it's probably all about your attitude.

I mean come on. With a name like 'lonelygirl17' you're already revealing loads about yourself without even having to open your mouth. According to you, you never say or do anything that could make a guy think you’re throwing yourself at him and all that, and I believe you. But then again, you don’t have to say anything. How you think of yourself is much more visible to others than what you may realize.

Of course, there’s NOTHING wrong with being lonely. Everybody gets lonely at some time. But how do you deal with it? Making your loneliness so blatantly obvious to the world brings you across as a negative, depressed and dependent person with terrible self-esteem. And that is not attractive.

IT’S NOT because you’re shy and would rather stay at home than go clubbing. Some men are attracted to that and will love you for being that way. Kudos to you for refusing to ‘change yourself’ for some guy ( because He’d have seen right through you at some stage anyway).

I agree with the other people here that said you’re focusing too much on finding love. I’d also say you’re focusing too much on your loneliness. It may be hard to deal with – but you also have to accept that there is not someone for everyone. You’re not Cinderella. There is no prince charming. Some people live their entire lives not having experienced real love – not even once. You have to deal with it that you could be one of those people and move on with your life. No other person in the world is going to make you un-lonely than you yourself.

I aggree 100% Nevan.

Everyone goes through drama. It just makes you look terrible if you let every second person know about it.

NEVER let them see you're weak.

[Reikikuro]

Honestly I understand exactly how you feel. I know I'm the new guy and all, but with my situation it was exactly the same. I end up chasing so many different women in my area only to be rejected time and time again. I hung out with this girl for over a month, spending time, money and whatever else just to make her like me. I thought she liked me because after all we we seeing movies together, Having dinner and just talking to one another about deep pesonal issues. Hell she even asked me why I was so perfect. Anyway after that month I go to visit her at work only to find out she hooked up with another guy. Believe me this is only one of my stories. The thing is though even through all the pain and torment I still try. I haven't given up. "Love is a battlefield" and when you find it, it is definitely something worth fighting for

[KontanKarite]

I wouldn't sweat it too much, dear.

There's nothing wrong with being introverted. I'm insanely introverted. If I was a chick, I'd probably be that "sexy librarian" type.

I've been single for quite a while now and I'm pretty burnt, emotionally. But I'm not lonely. You pretty much just have to put you first sometimes. Hedonism is all good and fine when you're not hurting others.

[dark_side_of_me]

hell....im with you on this one love just never seems to work out

[james"bloody tears"]

"true freedom is loveing and being loved"
i dont remember who said that but it is true dont ever give up dont ever lose hope there is someone out there for you and all the heart break youve gone through will make finding that person so much more specail

[HellforgedX]

Originally Posted by lonelygirl17

Should I give up on love?

Yup. Yup you should.

[Cyntrox]

Originally Posted by james"bloody tears"

there is someone out there for you

Exactly what makes you think that?

[james"bloody tears"]

because there is someone out there for everyone, everyone has a match somewhere for every eve theres an adam(or another eve if you swing that way), its the way god designed us, he(or she) gave us a match.

[Cyntrox]

I don't believe in your religion then.