Dead Man's Friction

[Sir Canvas Corpsey]

I got bored in Literature class one day...and you can mention the fact that I break the rhythm but, people have literally go on about it for hours with me and I never plan to change it



Roaming hands, and hungry lips
Tasting ruined flesh, feeling every wound
Hands clasping excitement, it trickles and drips
Unmoving blue lips, as it lay on the ground

The pile of meat, object of his desire
Desire that has no limits, lusting for the decaying lump
Mud splashing as he disrespects, that which long ago did retire
Open and infested gore, and he begins to pump

He nibbles and nuzzles, animalistic drive
Ecstasy fills his very existence; he bites the flesh and rubs his erection
Wet and dirty, he begins the dive
Into the satisfying chasm, oh the joys of a dead man’s friction

[Aaroneet]

I honestly liked it, even if it did break rhythm. In a sense, it makes your writing different.

[Sir Canvas Corpsey]

The fact that you liked it and acknowledged the rhythm breaking but still liked it does mean alot to me.

[Sir Canvas Corpsey]

Heh, Necromancy on this thread, because I want some more feedback, I'm trying to get back into the writing groove.

[Xombie]

Yes.
Just yes.

I don't like the word "lump," though.

[Sir Canvas Corpsey]

Really? Why? Any suggestions?