Heaven.

[JCC]

with every day that passes I find myself hoping more and more staunchly and steadfastly that there is no afterlife.
after a varied life of debauchery
I don't want to shake hands with Jesus.
if there is an afterlife and I see him there,
I will punch that bastard in the face for inspiring a legion of hate
and for getting in the way of my fun.
if there is an afterlife I will be held responsible for any actions I make beyond that of my own conscience,
and it does not suit me well to be judged
when I fully intend on drinking, smoking, taking drugs and making love to people of various status and gender.
I hope to find myself at 80, sat in a comfortable chair, still agile and energetic and happy
looking back on a wild life that pisses on the tepidity of normality
and feeling completely fulfilled.
the last thing I want is for my experiences to be diluted in a lifetime of monotony
and piety
and shit.

[KontanKarite]

I feel ya.

[JCC]

Really? Eh, I hate this poem. Well, I hate all my poems, I'm like Arturo Bandini or some shit, I write something thinking it's a good idea and read it back over thinking it sucks. But this one especially. And 'Untitled'.

[Apathy's_Child]

I don't think you need to be so detailed - just describing your life and then stating that you hope there's no afterlife would be enough, think. Make the reader work. The odds are they'll be too stupid to get it, but such is the burden of genius.

Being serious again, I really hate the bit about punching Jesus in the face - I find myself waiting for the rallying cry of "Hail Satan!" This is probably unnecessary as you've already said you dislike this poem, but feedback never hurts. Plus vultures are amazing animals. Seriously, I saw a propgram about them and it was REALLY cool.

[HumanePain]

"I will punch that bastard in the face"

The Jews and Romans beat you to it, so you'll have to stand in line.

[JCC]

Man, don't you wish Gnet had a delete function? I'd probably end up deleting all of my stuff though, eh.

[BloodyLivingVampire]

Awefull....... I don't like the way you speak about the Holy!

[JCC]

Man, I don't give a fuck about the holy, everything's open to criticism.

What I hate is that this is possibly the worst thing I've written, stop bumping it.

[BloodyLivingVampire]

I don't think it's the worst thing you've written! It's full of emotion and even if I don't like it due to what I wrote before I can somehow "feel you"

[Disaffected Shoelaces]

Originally Posted by BloodyLivingVampire

I don't think it's the worst thing you've written! It's full of emotion and even if I don't like it due to what I wrote before I can somehow "feel you"

Dat's how she troll.

[BloodyLivingVampire]

Originally Posted by Disaffected Shoelaces

Dat's how she troll.

hahahaha!!
now seriously I like the emotion but i don't like people messing up with religion!

[Magila]

I feel ya, but you'll grow out of it... You cannot say that life is bad for you, and blame a higher power for it, seriously... Things will get better, i was thrown into a lot of shit in my life but just don't ever give it a second thought dude, you're still young, don't fuck it up.

[JCC]

*facepalm*

Just let it die, damn.

[LadyStardust]

I especially enjoyed two turns of phrase:

"for inspiring a legion of hate
and for getting in the way of my fun"

"and it does not suit me well to be judged"

I especially love that second one. I couldn't explain why to save my life, I think. For all my formal literary training, I still rely on what I informally (and probably inaccurately) call flavour, sound, or flow. I say things aloud to myself, and listen. I don't like rules about stanzas and syllables - I just follow my ears, so to speak. That last line sings to me, as it were.

[Heavenly_Goth]

Sometimes I wish that there WAS an afterlife....but most of the time I don't think that there is one.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Heavenly_Goth

Sometimes I wish that there WAS an afterlife....but most of the time I don't think that there is one.

JCC's going to shit himself when he sees you necroed this, he hates this poem.

[JCC]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

JCC's going to shit himself when he sees you necroed this, he hates this poem.

This summarises my reaction upon seeing this thread incredibly well.

NO MORE POSTING.

[Tam Li Hua]

Well, seeing as how I don't get a chance to be on G.net during the weekends, I feel obliged to comment on this.

On the one hand, I think that you're frustration with common religious ideology comes across really well. On the other hand, I don't think that you'll live to be 80 if you are heavy into drugs and alcohol.

I also sense that you are not so much frustrated with the idea of Heaven, as much as you are frustrated with people trying to make you behave in a way that you don't want to. [That's understandable, because no one likes being forced to behave a certain way.]

One more thing: Be sure to take care of your body so you CAN live a long and healthy life.

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by Tam Li Hua

On the one hand, I think that you're frustration with common religious ideology comes across really well. On the other hand, I don't think that you'll live to be 80 if you are heavy into drugs and alcohol.

No way. Come the end of days, it'll be Keith Richards & the cockroaches.

JCC is gonna be MAD.......

[JCC]

Stop Fucking Posting

[Apathy's_Child]

Old age will see you bitter and twisted, for this shall be your most famous poem.

Before you launch yourself at me in animalistic fury, remember that I could have just said "bump" in this post. And I didn't. You can return the favor whenever.