Rant Thread - Page 62

Tall One In Black · 12-30-2005, 07:35 AM

Having my wisdom teeth out wasn't so bad. I was fully awake during the extraction. :O

Afterwards, I kept expecting lots of pain, but it never happened. I did sport the chipmunk look for a few days, though. And I got a twisted thrill out of using the little syringe thingy to flush out my sockets.

AlKilyu · 12-30-2005, 08:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Santarea

Hee hee.. It looks like your kitty avatar is getting off to the tree humper...

HA! He/she does! Nice one Santarea! ^_^

urian · 12-30-2005, 10:27 AM

I hate my epilepsy. Mind you I guess I'm lucky because I've never had a Gran Maul seizure (mine manifest as headaches mostly) but it doesn’t change the fact that I've been fucking crippled by god's bad joke.

A car hit me when I was 12. There was no real damage done except for a severe concussion. I was happy I hadn’t been killed or crippled so I chalked it up as a really screwed up childhood thing and went about my business.
A year later, when puberty poked it's head out, I had an episode at my house that screwed the crap out of my brothers (both younger). My mother rushed home from work to find me in the fetal position screaming, crying and holding my head.
Over the ensuing months I had half a dozen eegs and 3 MRI's done (along with a myriad of other tests) to try to figure out exactly what was wrong. I honestly believe that the Docs didn’t believe I had anything wrong with me. Well, ok, nothing they could identify. It wasn’t until a nurse came in and started asking questions (after months of tests) that the diagnosis of epilepsy was given and that was only because the nurse happened to have the exact same symptoms that I exhibited (she’s one of the only other people I know that has a similar form).
Well, the docs did what they do best. They gave me drugs (dilantin) and shoved me out the door. NO real explanation to my family or me as to what was wrong with me. Every week for the next 6 years I was at the hospital giving blood or taking testing to check my liver and other organs to make sure the drugs didn’t have an adverse affect on me.
During that time I was a teen in junior high and high school. I hid my epilepsy from everyone I knew because the few people that found out about it always acted like I was some leper or Typhoid Mary. They acted like I could give them epilepsy or that I was mentally retard or ill. One school counselor referred to me as a "special" student and tried putting me in special education classes because of my seizures. After an IQ test and an apology from her (reluctantly) I went about my business and transferred schools shortly afterward.
The Dilantin never really stopped my epilepsy. It just slowed it down from have a large seizure every week or day to maybe every month or so. The doctors insisted that I stay on my meds but I took myself off in an attempt to try to live a normal life and because I was sick and tired of hospitals, tests and doctors.

I think I need to explain my epilepsy for a second (or at least I feel I need to). I'll start with a good day. See, I have an ongoing headache from the time I wake up until I go to sleep (been that way since the first time). The last EEG I had showed that I average about 3 severe seizures and hour...you do the math. Anyway...on a good day my mind is similar to a TV that is on a station that is not QUITE clear. There's a little white noise, sometimes you can’t tell what’s being said, you can’t follow anything unless you really concentrate and sometimes other channels pop in and out. Sucks to high heaven.
ON a bad day imagine complete white noise and sensory overload. I can look at a book, recognize the words but I can't "read" them, erratic though patterns & that’s the good end of a bad day. Mostly it’s a complete shut down of my system. Light causes unbearable pain, any sound seems amplified to the Nth degree, touches (even air) feels like my skin's being sandblasted and I usually pass out from the pain.

I was off meds for years until around 2001 when things started happening. Mind you I the seizures never stopped but now I had mild, jerking seizures while I slept, I would drop things without realizing I had and other muscle twitches. MY memory starting going to the point that I would forget what I was saying while I was saying it or I'd forget where I was going midstride.
This bothered me so, after I visited my doctor, I saw a neurologist who put me on depakote...dear god I felt like dying on those meds so I asked him for different (less harmful) meds so he gave me topomax and told me that almost no one had reactions to that. Well, I was the almost no one. That medicine was evil in a capsule. At the time he told me there were no other meds and the only other alternative would be to take an ice cream scoop after the "infected" area. No thanks, and I haven’t been back to a doc since.
I try to control everything by watching my diet, keeping stress low, and trying to ignore the pain as much as possible.
It has been on of the most isolating things I have ever come across because I have only met a handful of people that admitted to having epilepsy but on two others that had a form similar to mine. It's also very difficult for the loved ones in my life to cope and understand.
OTFW has been with me for some of the worst one of my episodes and she tries so hard to understand but I know there have been times where she doubted the pain or what I was going through and I don’t blame her for that because, if I was on her end, I'd be tempted to do the same thing. But she tries which is more than what some people in my life have done.
There have, honestly, been a few times in recent memory that I have contemplated the ice cream scoop but the side effects are almost worse than the disease. Partial to severe memory loss, partial to severe personality change, intellectual effects, etc.
I don’t know

Look...I don’t expect any "poor baby's" or poor you or any sympathy. I just felt like whining about the one thing in my life I can’t change without changing myself.
Just felt like venting and bitching.

urian · 12-30-2005, 10:36 AM

Now I need to bitch about my proof reading skills.=p

Tall One In Black · 12-30-2005, 11:29 AM

Disorders of the brain have to be the most frustrating health problems to deal with. Like you, I am the "almost no one" when it comes to reacting to drugs. With most medications I tried, I got really nasty side effects. I felt like I was poisioning myself.

I hate the way people react to those with epilepsy. They treat them like they're mentally incompetent. I had a friend with epilepsy. She didn't tell many people because as soon as she told someone, he/she started treating her differently. She wanted to be a marine biologist but was unable because she could not get SCUBA certification due to her epilepsy. I was heartbroken for her.

Are you on the ketogenic diet, urian?

Empty_Purple_Stars · 12-30-2005, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tall One In Black

I hate the way people react to those with epilepsy. They treat them like they're mentally incompetent.

My brother suffered severe Diffuse Brain Damage at birth. As a result he has one of the nastiest cases of Epilepsy, many Neurologists have ever seen. In addition to the Grand Mal and Petit Mal seizures he has on a daily basis, he also has episodes of http://epilepsyontario.org/client/eo/eoweb.nsf/0/cf99da851395296485256d3a00609b15?OpenDocument]Status Epilepsy[/color] , which sadly one day, will take him from us. The doctors told us he wouldn't live past age 11 and he will be 28 in May, so we are very grateful that Many doctors don't know jack and shit about what they are talking about.

Over the years Donnie has had MANY seizures in Public and people never cease to amaze me with their filthy judgemental condemnation of things they do not understand. I had one woman walk up to me in a MacDonalds while he was Seizing, and tell me " YOU SHOULD HAVE HIM LOCKED UP SOMEWHERE!! PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO SEE THINGS LIKE THAT WHILE THEY ARE TRYING TO EAT!! "

I very politely inquired if she would enjoy her Big Mac BETTER if she had to eat it through a fucking straw!

There's been a million of them. I was Suspended more times than I can count for beating some Asshole(s) bloody for making fun of my Brother at School. I always found that he was actually a better judge of character than just about everyone I knew, and his Soul was certainly Shinier and more Pure than anyone else I knew/know.

The staring also irritates the piss out of me. I understand when little kids stare, because they are curious. But when grown ups act like they have never seen anyone with a disability before, it makes me a bit violent.

Seizures are terrible and debilitating, I have watched them turn my brother into a little old man who hobbles along at the speed of slow.

Sometimes he has more than 30 Grand Mal seizures in a 24 hour period.

Thankfully he hasn't had a Status seizure in a long while, and he doesn't mind the Wheel Chair, because he likes to be zoomed around..

Now if only they would ALL go away. It breaks my heart every damn time. You think after all these years, it wouldn't hurt so damn much to watch, but it never gets any easier.

I have no pity or respect for those that condemn or trivialize medical issues of any sort.

It is a Curse I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Although the World might be a much nicer place if everyone was required to spend a 24 hour period in the mind and body of someone with a serious disability or physical challenge.

I can fantasize, right?

urian · 12-30-2005, 12:44 PM

Honestly I have seen almost as much information touting a low fat diet as I have a high fat one. Yes the bulk of the research supports high fat and low carb is helping epileptics but I have never been too sure as to what research was real and what was manufactured.
I did and have experimented with modifying the diet to fit , not only my tastes, but my life as well. At 6'5' and 270lbs the ratio is a bit high in regards to the fat content but I've found ways to balance that.
The main thing for me has been removing myself from places, situations, and people who cause or thrive on stress and drama. I tend to avoid stress and drama like it the plaque simply because I know what the outcome for me will be.
I can completely understand your friend's situation. Mine has been similar throughout my life. I wasnt allowed to wrestle in school or play basketball or most sports because the Docs had my parents convinced that one bump to the head and I'd be a vegitable. I think the only thing worse than an ignorant person is an ignorant doctor(in regards to illnesses).
Hell, my mother still refers to it as "THE EPILEPSY" in a whisper like its contagious if you say it too loudly. And , even at 30, it still makes me feel like a circus freek or a failure to my family.

I'm sure your friend and I arent the only ones that keep it hidden from people for fear of ridicule from those that just dont (or wont) understand.
people suck

JuliaGaltic · 12-30-2005, 12:58 PM

My cousin has epilepsy. I know the fight it is to keep it under control as much as possible. Not much I can say that hasn't been said.. just wanted to let you know, I feel for you.

Needled · 12-30-2005, 01:07 PM

Yet another rant from me...

Today I received a letter from my half sister Christina, who lives in Oregon. A couple of years ago I lived with her while my parents were in prison. While I was staying with her, her husbands neice Nachelle lived with us as well. We shared a room during my stay, and we became pretty good friends.

Anyhow, in the last couple of letters Christina had wrote, Nachelle was never mentioned. I also got a Christmas card with everyones name signed except for Nachelle's. This is when I became suspicious.. where was Nachelle?

So I wrote Christina asking her how Nachelle was doing. She responded with the letter that I just received today.

What she told me was that during the summer of this year (July, to be exact) Nachelle went to Ventura, CA to visit her mom. She was going to come back before school started back up. Well, while Nachelle was in Ventura she got pregnant by a 21 year old guy. Nachelle is 15. Needless to say, she didn't go back to Oregon, and hasn't been to school since. She is currently living in Ohio and sleeping with some new guy she has met.

After reading this I didn't know how to feel. I was disappointed and angry.

Disappointed that Nachelle dropped out of school, and most likely will never have a decent life.

Angry because it's her own fucking fault. My sister gave her a nice home while her parents were incarcerated, just like she did for me. And what did Nachelle do? She rejected it to go fuck some guy who was way to old for her, become another pregnant 15 year old and drop out of school. Congratulations you are now a statistic and a moron.

I still find it overwhelmingly sad.. especially to know this girl. We were best friends, and I never would have thought she would be stupid enough to do this shit..

JuliaGaltic · 12-30-2005, 01:13 PM

Especially with all the options out there. First, contraceptives. Second, the morning after-pill. Third, the two contraversial little opptions for when it's too late for anything else.
This day in age you have no excuse on and not to mention all the info we have available now before we even enter into sexual relationships... sheesh!
Sorry to hear that... it's always awful to hear that someone close to you has just become another statistic.

Needled · 12-30-2005, 01:29 PM

Because of her poor decision at 15 years old, the rest of her life is going to reflect that. She's pregnant.. and a baby is a big deal. This could have easily been avoided. I know plenty of people who have sex at 15, but most of them at least have the common sense to use protection.

joyslayer · 12-30-2005, 02:09 PM

I am one of the people who use common sense. Condums, birth control, anything. Just, the sheer idiocy of anyone doing something so dumb as to get pregnant at 15! (I speak with experience, be best friend just recently got pregnant) You just have to grit your teeth, and watch their life go down the drain. Unless your friend is okay with abortion. But I am not getting into that.

Needled · 12-30-2005, 06:58 PM

I doubt abortion has even crossed her mind. I don't think she has the resources.. But I'm not sure as to what you need, and how to get an abortion.. Hopefully, I will never have to know!! She will go ahead and have the baby, the baby will never know it's father, and most likely it will have a shitty life as well as it's mother. A shitty life doesn't mean it wont have opportunities though. Everyone has a pretty equal opportunity to succeed in life, it's really up to that person to make it happen. In Nachelle's case, she made her decision, and most likely she will not succeed.

joyslayer · 12-30-2005, 07:52 PM

*looks at feet* Its kind of sad her future will be decided at such an early stage of life.

xXambivalenceXx · 12-30-2005, 09:09 PM

Okay... I'm in a self-pitying mood, and I need to rant. If my rant pisses you off, you can go fuck a tree for all I care. It's in the rant thread.

---------------------
<rant>

Just over a week ago, on Dec 21st, I turned 16. Only 2 people called to wish me a Happy Birthday. My Grandmother on my mother's side, and my brother. On Christmas, I had only one person call and say Merry Christmas and ask how I was doing, Dj. However, the phonecall with DJ consisted of me hearing his problems and playing Dr. Phil, giving him advice and helping home overcome his latest reason for low-self esteem. *Mommy made him break up with his boyfriend*

Tomorrow, New Year's Eve, my plans are as follows: Spending the day in my room, painting my door/window frames. Tomorrow night? Sitting here, on this computer, at this forum.

I know this sounds idiotic, but I'm 16 god-damned years old. I'm a sophomore in High School. Yet, in a two week period, my birthday, Christmas, and New Year's Eve passed, and only one friend took the effort to contact me, and even then it was for his own benefit. No one takes the time to invite me to a party, or even acknowledge my attempts to have a party. Two weeks prior to my 16th, I asked several friends if they would be interested in getting together and doing something. I never heard a word back.

Now, I know I sound like an angsty little teenager, and I know I've got it good financially, and family-wise, but I'm not complaining about that. I'm complaining about my lack of true friends. I'm tired of playing the psychiatrist with my friends, I'm tired of being the back-up buddy if no one else is around, and fucking HELL, I'm tired of being alone because my shithead friends can't even remember me on my BIRTHDAY. >.<

</rant>

joyslayer · 12-30-2005, 09:16 PM

You know, If I were over there or you were over here, I think we might have alot of fun for your birthday and new years......xD But honestly, it might be time to remind your friends that they can not just forget about you and use you as a last resort.

xXambivalenceXx · 12-30-2005, 09:18 PM

I've tried, honestly. But if I even consider bitching about being left out or ignored, I'm made out to be this selfish inconsiderate bitch.

I know, don't tell me, my friends are all such wonderful people.

joyslayer · 12-30-2005, 09:21 PM

Well dear, I can not call anyone a wonderful person unless I know them personally. As far as I am concerned, they are all tree fucking ass wholes for not taking you into consideration.

Demonista_Ravenesque · 12-31-2005, 03:09 AM

A bit of a pointless rant but after stumbling to the airport, feeling slightly sick, I got a mosquito bite...Who the fuck knew I was allergic to that?!?!

But aye, due to that, I was unfit to do any kind of mountain climbing or hiking so I had to go on a pussy tourbus with the rest of the tourist shit heads.

Apart from that, what was supposed to be a self spiritual journey, wellity... my parents invited themselves and their brother to join me so yep, I'm in Thailand and I'm going to be here for a while.

My only connection to the net is a net cafe and My AOL at home is cut off so I won't be able to talk to Rubedo. Aw mate...where's the enlightenment I asked for?

Another rant, after visiting the countryside to see and meet all of the relatives I've never met. They didn't take me as a relative, they thought I was some random caucasian friend that my parents invited along, talk about not fitting in. But after an hour of convincing, they finally believed that I was one of their kin and they introduced me to the rest of the family.

FUCK MAN!!! I'm an aunt to a couple of billion nephews and nieces...All this shit and my parentals never told me?

Oh well, that's my rant, a word of warning, never celebrate new years eve on your own at the nearest internet cafe consuming a thousand tonnes of junk food.

Not.

Good.

Happy New Year y'all.

Demonista.

PS: There's a landform in Koh Samui called Hinta and Hinyai.

They're giant rocks and they're funny, Hinta looks like a giant penis and Hinyai looks like a giant pussy, How fucking weird is that?

edible_eye · 12-31-2005, 05:00 AM

hey, ambivalence - happy birthday.

and look, there's your present /\. demonista's back.

hi, demonista.http://www.everyschool.org/u/westlak...res/waving.gif missed ya.

Needled · 12-31-2005, 09:25 AM

My new year's plans aren't going exactly as I had planned about a month ago. The plan was for me to throw this huge party and invite all these people to my house.. Well eventually that changed to inviting about 8 or 9 people. I actually liked this better, because I like to be able to talk to everyone, and spend equal time together.. Well my 'best' friend and her boyfriend just told me about 2 days ago that they wouldn't be able to make it. And 3 people got dropped after I got drunk at their Christmas party and got into an argument with them. Now that was my fault and I feel really stupid and embarassed about that whole fiasco.. But anyhow, now I have only 2 of my friends coming over. So it's not going to be the big party i had evisioned , but I'm over it and I'm going to make sure that I have fun. 2005 only ends once. I guess my story wasn't all that rant-worthy, but I didn't want to feel left out.. lol.

Santarea: Good luck hosting your party by yourself. Lot's of pressure, I'm sure! What your friends did sucked, and I don't think they deserve a friend like you. I'm sure you'll be quite the enertainer tonight!

Ambivalence: Sorry I probably misspelt your username, but anyhow.. It's okay to be upset that your birthday wasn't acknowledged by many, including people who are supposed to be your FRIENDS. You are not the only one with less-than-great friends. Before Christmas break all my friends exchanged gifts as I sat and watched. Needless to say, I did not receive any gift. They always plan fun things to do without me too, it's like Samantha, you weren't at the movies? Why? Umm.. perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I wasn't invited??? And one of my friends actually told me on the phone that I was her 'rebound friend'. Gee, thanks. That makes me feel so special.

horrorgirl · 01-01-2006, 11:25 AM

I can't stand picture whores. All they do is go onto boards and post their pictures like they are models or something. I have no problem with people who actually make other posts, but the ones who ONLY post pictures of themselves are boring. Most picture whores aren't as attractive as they seem to think.

Also, what is it with people thinking that they are models in this subculture?Just because you bribed your friend to take a billion pictures of you doesn't mean you are a fucking model. You are boring...that's right...boring!!!!! Having nothing intelligent to say and pouting in every picture you post doesn't gain you any goth points so fucking stop it already!

Tall One In Black · 01-01-2006, 12:00 PM

Even worse are the picture whores who don't have friends to take the photos. They take 9000 photos in the mirror or with their webcam. That smacks of desperation to me.

horrorgirl · 01-01-2006, 12:05 PM

Oh....those are the most annoying ones!

Circle V · 01-01-2006, 12:21 PM

I take lots of pictures of myself, but post few of them. Does that count as annoying-camera-whorism?