Question for the ladies. - Page 2

MollyMac · 09-19-2008, 05:17 AM

I was with a guy who busted his as to provide for me, protect me, and said he went through hell for me. He isolated me, kept me from working, beat me, demeaned me and cheated on me, too. What a keeper.

drewsilla · 09-19-2008, 08:05 AM

It sounds like to me that you want a steady relationship so bad that you'll take the first fresh body that comes along, and of course that is not always the best course. Maybe what you should do is just sit back and take it easy on the dating front for a while. Just go out and have fun! Your future partner is out there somewhere, relax. If it's ment to be it will happen, you know?

Solumina · 09-19-2008, 08:14 AM

I agree with Drew, it sounds like you are trying to make every relationship last long term without first seeing if you two are compatible. Slow things down and don't put yourself in that provider/protector role. I know that a lot of guys think that women want men to protect and provide for them but the truth is that sometimes it can be a bit stifling, these days most women can provide for themselves and many are perfectly capable of protecting themselves so they don't need a man to fill those roles and it can freak a girl out if a guy takes over those roles because it takes away a part of her independence.

Tam Li Hua · 09-19-2008, 09:46 AM

Deadman: I think that you need to listen to HumanePain on this; he's got a good head on his shoulders, -and- a good heart.

It took me until the age of 29 to find the right guy, and it wasn't for a lack of trying! I needed a guy who would be willing to stand up for me, but who would also be willing to relate to me...someone who wasn't just physically attractive or good in bed, but someone who could also be my best friend.

But, before that, I had to work on myself. [Honestly, 3 years ago, I was a mess and in NO condition for a serious relationship!] Maybe it would be good to take a step back from critiquing the women you've been going out with, and take an honest look at yourself, and see if there's anything you need to change about YOU before you worry about anyone else.

Also, if you're the religious type, you could start praying and asking for help in this area. [Hey, it worked out for me and my guy; we fit each other miraculously well, and we're both amazed by it every day. ^_^]

HumanePain · 09-19-2008, 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tam Li Hua

Deadman:
But, before that, I had to work on myself. [Honestly, 3 years ago, I was a mess and in NO condition for a serious relationship!] Maybe it would be good to take a step back from critiquing the women you've been going out with, and take an honest look at yourself, and see if there's anything you need to change about YOU before you worry about anyone else.

Very good! I should have mentioned this too but in my egomania didn't think of it. Thanks for mentioning it Tam.

Tam Li Hua · 09-19-2008, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HumanePain

Very good! I should have mentioned this too but in my egomania didn't think of it. Thanks for mentioning it Tam.

Of all the folks on this board, you are the LAST one I'd peg as an egomaniac, HP!

But yeah...if these past ten chaotic years have taught me anything, it's that it's all too easy to blame other folks instead of realizing our own part in our problems.

Deadmanwalking_05 · 09-19-2008, 08:19 PM

Thanks for the advice,but it does seem like the harder I try the harder it gets.

I've tried not looking and well nothing has happened.

Molly the guy sounds like a control freak,I'm not like that,nor would I want to be like that. (I can't stand the thought of someone trying to control me,that's why I'm back in Kentucky instead of in California,that plus a number of other things)

And no I'm not comming on to you M.M. just hate to hear about cases like that.

Tam Li Hua · 09-19-2008, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deadmanwalking_05

Thanks for the advice,but it does seem like the harder I try the harder it gets.

Yeah, I know; I've been there. :/ Relationships are confusing enough, and maybe you just haven't met the right girl yet.

Mealla · 09-20-2008, 01:27 AM

If you're that desperate to find someone, you probably aren't happy with yourself. True happiness does not come from another person. You have to learn to find your own happiness. If a relationship happens and it works, great, if it doesn't, then you're just fine on your own.

I've been through four relationships, and I did the breaking up with the second and the third. The second I was with for three years, but it was long distance, it wasn't showing any sign of changing in that regard, and while I can appreciate some humor, he couldn't be serious in some areas that I really needed for him to be serious about. The third was one year and I left him because he was extremely possessive, controlling, jealous, manipulative, and severely addicted to drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol.

The point is, as cliche as it sounds, relationships really are like chemistry. You might not even be doing anything wrong, some personality types are just incompatible. There are many reasons people break up with each other.

Additionally, many women don't want a protector, and many want to be seen as equals. I'm a bit old-fashioned and like little romantic gestures here and there, but at the end of the day I don't want someone who's going to treat me like a child or a pet. That's one of the problems I had with my fourth boyfriend. He could tell something was bothering me, he'd pester me until I told him what it was, then he'd get offended when I repeatedly didn't take his advice because it was something I needed to figure out on my own...not to mention I was still dealing with issues from the relationship before him.

Many people find love later than others though. Nearly all my friends are married now, but one of my exes who I still talk to has finally gotten engaged at the age of 31 after going through many women, examples including a compulsive liar and a woman who broke it to him that she was a stripper by telling him to meet her at work. Another woman I worked with didn't even meet her current husband until she was 28. Focus on you and on being you and less on finding someone to attach yourself to.

Deadmanwalking_05 · 09-20-2008, 11:34 PM

Thanks for the advice.

XsixfeetdeepX · 09-21-2008, 09:30 AM

Hahaha yeah i know i friggin hate women like that.
high and mighty cows that do nothing but eat out of their men's paycheck.
and in the end you find them i bed with some other guy with a higher paying job.

sigh.

But please remember. You men can be fuckin assholes. At times.
You don't own "your women."
But yeah I take your side on this one...

Fatbaby · 09-21-2008, 10:22 AM

Here is an old song that explains things

You Don't Own Me
You don't own me, I'm not just one of your many toys
You don't own me, don't say I can't go with other boys

And don't tell me what to do
And don't tell me what to say
And please, when I go out with you
Don't put me on display, 'cause

You don't own me, don't try to change me in any way
You don't own me, don't tie me down 'cause I'd never stay

Oh, I don't tell you what to say
I don't tell you what to do
So just let me be myself
That's all I ask of you

I'm young and I love to be young
I'm free and I love to be free
To live my life the way I want
To say and do whatever I please

Deadmanwalking_05 · 09-21-2008, 10:30 AM

I never thought of the ladies I went out with as my property,I never treated them as such.

Solumina · 09-21-2008, 11:37 AM

Doesn't mean that it didn't feel that way to them

Deadmanwalking_05 · 09-21-2008, 12:14 PM

I see your point.

But in a lot of ways no matter what it's seen as either too much or not enough one way or the other which leads guys to think of women as very fickle.

MollyMac · 09-21-2008, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deadmanwalking_05

And no I'm not comming on to you M.M. just hate to hear about cases like that.

Why the fuck do you think that I'd think you were coming on to me?

a morbid curiosity · 09-21-2008, 12:25 PM

There isn't one rule that applies to every woman ever born. We are individuals, you know.
You just have to do what's right and what feels comfortable for the woman in question.

Deadmanwalking_05 · 09-21-2008, 12:29 PM

Just trying to cover all bases. M.M.

MollyMac · 09-21-2008, 12:46 PM

Keep yer mitts off my bases. Dem's for Mir.

Mir · 09-21-2008, 12:52 PM

The Goddess speaketh my name! [ falls to the ground in rapture ]

Deadmanwalking_05 · 09-21-2008, 01:00 PM

"All your base are belong to Mir."

Understood.

Mir · 09-21-2008, 01:03 PM

No. They belong to her. But, she shares if I've been an exceptionally naughty boy!

onedarkly1 · 09-21-2008, 01:04 PM

I completely agree with Tam on this one. It doesn't matter whether you are a man or a woman, you need to be ready for a relationship.

During my first year of law school my ex-wife meet someone else and left me and our little girl. I have spent the last few years working on myself, and believe I am finally ready to start dating again. I had invitations, but I declined because I was not ready.

It is different for everyone, but I wish you luck.
______________________________________________
"I died a long time ago."

JCC · 09-21-2008, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MollyMac

Keep yer mitts off my bases. Dem's for Mir.

My life is ruined.

MollyMac · 09-21-2008, 01:22 PM

That had nothing to do with my tit availability anf you know it. Stop using my ta-tas as a crutch.