We are not born Gothic.

[Godslayer Jillian]

Originally Posted by PoupeeCelestia

And well, just a comment: we the humans (because we ARE actually humans) don´t start to have memory until 3 or 4 years...

I know we never have memory of our first years in this life. The story of my not crying when I was born is an amusing story my parents always were delighted to let me know.

[honeythorn]

I don't know if I was born goth or if something triggered a hidden seed of goth within me.

When I was growing up, I loved horseriding and nature. Most little girls love horses, so nothing too strange there.However. at the age of 8 or so, I became fascinated and obsessed with the cartoon " Dungeons and Dragons ". I loved the dragons from the getgo, and one of my favourite characters was Venger!!. I would sit for hours trying to draw the dragons,i've always been artistic in that sense.

I was bullied at school from my first year for loving horses ( no idea why) and was later even more severely bullied for liking fantasy books and films. I loved and still adore films such as Labyrinth ( one of my greatest dreams is to attend a masqerade ball like the one in the film) , The Dark Crystal and Legend. I loved Tim curry in that film, I also loved the imagery of Lord darkness' palace, with it's glittering black pillars and huge carved mantlepieces!

My reading habits developed to include HP Lovecraft, Clive Barker, Stephen King ect.. and I've watched horror films from a young age ( my nan is a big horror fan) stuff like the Evil Dead trilogy, Nightbreed, all the Nightmare on Elm streets, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre...all the usual gory films.


Musically, growing up for me was nothing all that special. Just the usual pop. I had the boyband phase too!! ( cringes at the memory) The turning point ( when i was just turning 18) came when one of the last copies I ever bought of J17 magazine , came with a free cd. The second to last track on that cd was Slipknot's Wait and Bleed. After a decade of bieng bullied at school and college, and after all that time swallowing down the hate and anger, I heard that song and actually cried. The opening lyric..." I felt the hate rise up in me" and the third line.." Inside my shell I wait and bleed" simply pierced my heart to the core and became a release. I can tell you that I raged into a pillow that night!!!! ( luckily my parents were away for a couple of days!!)



After that, metal became a way of releasing the pressure in my mind. a way of releasing all the anger until I could'nt scream any more. When I was about 19 I recieved a free cd with Metal Hammer magazine ( GODS BLESS FREE CD'S!!!). A track by HIM was on there ( soul on fire) I loved it and immediateley bought the album Love metal. Plus all the previous albums too. Here was a new release. along with the rage and hatred of my tormentors, was also sadness and some depression. The usual " why me? " type questions. HIM's music and slightly dark romantic style was very appealing ( still is) and although not gothic, was really a starting point for me personally.

Why? well, up until recently I used to work in a pub/restaurant. Most of the regulars are all in their 40's/ 50's and 3 or 4 are into alternative music. I came in to work one evening with my headphones plugged in and HIM blaring, and I went into the bar to say hi to everyone. Bones asked me what I was listening to. I told him and offered the headphones. After a good listen, he looked at me and said..," they really remind me of the Mission" Who?? after explaining that the Mission were/are an old goth band, I was curious to hear them and more. He kindly offered to copy me a cd. In due course I recieved Tower of strength and The Sisters of Mercy's " Floodland". It was the Sisters that grabbed my attention first. I loved it. It was embedded into my cd player for at least two months!!! ( thankyou Bones!!)

After discovering that these bands were goth, and being unfamiliar with the word ,I looked up the term on the internet , and printed off as much material as I was able. The rest, I would spend hours reading on the net. I looked at pictures of 80's goths, and modern gothic clothing, and fell in love with it all. I had never even seen a goth until that point ( they must have been hiding from me!!! or else I was blind), so it was all new to me. I felt a deep sense of ......I don't know how to say...comfort? a sense of knowing that this type of being was right for me. I knew it then and I know it now. I'm too old to be going through any sort of phase, and I find that gothic culture seems to pull at someplace inside me. It feels right for me ,so that's what I am. It's a bit cheesy but it is true.


I find it sad that some people are criticised for bieng "poseurs". After all, we all had to start somewhere, be it from a young age or later on like me. If you were lucky enough to have parents or peers who were around to provide you with that link then great, you were lucky. some people aren't so fortunate. Admittedly, a good deal of them are merely on the band wagon, but there are always some who want to know more. Personally, if a younger person asks me what goth bands I like, I simply reel off as many as I can remember from my cd collection, and when they look puzzeled and say " Bauhaus? Sisters of what? Specimen?? Swichblade who? " I inform them to look up those bands on the net, and try to find some of that music in order to further their knowledge on the culture they claim to be a part of so fervently.

So, like I say, Wether I've always had it in me is unclear, but I've always been a little different to my friends, and still am. I'm happy to keep my own company. And I've never even attended a goth club/evening. Experiencing trouble at home and the bullying at school made me see very early on that there is much darkness in the world. Nearly all of it created by people. I can see that there is a certain beauty in it. But I have a great deal of difficulty in explaining my thoughts on the matter.

Sorry to waffle. Hope that wasn't too mind numbing!!!

[Alaizabel Cray]

I don't know when I was first introduce to the Goth subculture, at least I can't pin-point any exact memory that really jumps out as "the day I discovered Gothy-ness". I used to be with my grandma alot when I was young, my parents were working and my mom doesn't believe in sending kids to a babysitter all day, especially when a family member is available. I mostly remember sitting in her car, listening to classical music stations, and I often imagined that I could hear the soft pitter-patter of ballerinas feet touching the floor as they danced. It was just so beautiful that about that time that I decided I wanted to take ballet. I guess I was about 3. It was originally my dream to be a famous ballerina when I grew up, although that dream changed many times. I was the only kid my age who really thought about what I wanted to do with my life, and what would happen to me later on. Other kids loved to play with their dolls--I never did for some reason, although I had a very vivid imagination. I kept them in their boxes, preferring to keep them in perfect condition. I knew that playing with dolls wouldn't get me anywhere in the real world, although what I knew of the real world at such a young age... I have no clue. All I know is that I had a larger grasp on things than any of the other kids seemed to. I guess what made me see the world clearer was my sister.

She had a genetic disorder, and was always sick. I knew she wasn't expected to live long--3 years was supposedly going to be a miracle--and my parents never hid that from either me or her. They didn't broadcast it, it wasn't something they wanted to be reminded of any more than my sister and I did, but they knew that it wasn't something to simply ignore; it wasn't going to disappear. She never let it get to her though. She was the happiest person I'd ever met in my life. The fact that she could take something bad, and turn it into something great, showed me that there was light in the darkness, and that just because something was "bad" didn't mean it wasn't also something to be appreciated.

Then, also around the age of 7 or 8, I got really depressed, and it was during my years spent in depression that I really got in touch with the dark side of things. It just seemed natural to me, that having such a dark outlook on life I should also be interested in everything else that was considered dark. About 5 years later, when I was put on anti-depressants and was truly happy again, I kind of thought that the attraction to darkness would go away, that it was something that just came with the depression. However, it stayed. Not that I minded.

So I just accepted it. I wasn't sure of why I was interested in things that society had always told me was wrong, but I wasn't going to change myself to allow society to be happy, especially not now that I was feeling great about being me. Eventually, the label of "Goth" came up, and it just clicked. That was about a year ago. Now, I still wouldn't label myself "goth", but I wouldn't label myself anything else either. Places like g.net, where I'm around other Goth people are just where I feel at home.

[Delkaetre]

Does being born with shoulder length black hair add to evidence of goth-from-birth? There is photographic evidence of this.
Everyone has such detailed tales and stories of the proof of their early goth-ness, I feel oddly out of place. My entire lot sums up as-
-born to bikers, raised with odd taste in music compared to others my age.
-general social pariah for reading, and reading wierd stuff at that (Terry Pratchett, Bram Stoker, Mary Shelley), also for using long words and thinking snakes and skulls were cute when the other girls and boys were into dogs and rabbits.
-discovered dark colours at an early age, and kept them.
That's pretty much all of it.

[She_Is_My_Sin]

Originally Posted by Delkaetre

Everyone has such detailed tales and stories of the proof of their early goth-ness, I feel oddly out of place.

I don't have a detailed story of Gothness! I don't have a 'gothic' past. I just mentioned how I was a lonely little girl who's never really grown up. My parents never influenced me into it ( pa was a punk, ma was a new romantic) I just drifted in on my own accord I guess.
Although when I was born, I didn't really move much or cry...they feared I was born dead. 0_0 That's gotta give me some 'born as a goth cred' right?

[Delkaetre]

I did move and cry... I took the view that if they wanted to wake my mother and I at 4am for feeding when we were bother happily asleep, they'd damn well suffer it, so I'm told. Not the most goth of views, but even then I was very attached to my sleep and sod the nutrition.
Haven't changed a jot!

[Alaizabel Cray]

As far As I know, I moved, but I'm told that I didn't cy for months. I was born premature though so maybe I just wasn't ready to cry yet, haha, I don't know.

[unedifying]

My freshmen year at a performing arts school, with the help of my mom's old black pinstripe suit jacket with the silver rhinestones, converted me back to how i was meant to be.

That sounds like a gorgeous suit; I love silver rhinestones and pinstripe. ^^

[Cicero]

Originally Posted by Godslayer Jillian

I know we never have memory of our first years in this life. The story of my not crying when I was born is an amusing story my parents always were delighted to let me know.

Plenty of babies don't cry when they're born, myself, my sister and all my cousins included. I cried only once in my early childhood, and that was when I was having my vaccination injections.

We aren't born goths, ladies and gentlemen. We can be born into the subculture because of our parents, we can be born with a personality inclined towards it, but we can't be born as a goth. Why? Because a) had we been born a few decades earlier, 'goth' would not exist outside the Germanic tribe and b) should we live in say, the depths of the Papua New Guinean jungle, we would have no knowledge of it, and thus could never be one. Without the influence of parents or friends or the media, you wouldn't have discovered all the wonderful gothy things that make you goth today.

You become 'a goth' when you rightfully call yourself 'a goth' ('rightfully' meaning you aren't just dressing in tripp pants and listening to Slipknot). When I was born, I was nothing more than a juvenile Homo sapiens sapiens.

I'll write my own story later when I have the time... I think I'm meant to be in class right now. Whoops!

[GrimTheLost]

I have no pinpoint time to when I found the sub-culture, but I was always deemed weird by many. I didn't talk to many people or get into fights. I did used to growl alot at people (that is actually entertaining when I think back.) I think i got tired of listening to happy hippie music and got back in touch with my darker side.

[Slap Your Love]

Originally Posted by Cicero

When I was born, I was nothing more than a juvenile Homo sapiens sapiens.

Lol. Well, this is logically true.

[PoupeeCelestia]

Papua New Guinean jungle

Tell me where it is located exactly, I want to find it with the Goggle Earth™! I´ll read your story for sure Cicero.
Just for some lines that Delkaetre wrote, and because I want, I´ll write this:
Those stories are not meant to prove that we were "oh so goth"/"oh so obscure" when we were children (at least, that was not my intention ). In fact, I was a perfect "goth antithesis" since I used to wear pink and pastels, and my drawings were really stupid (mutant dogs and deformed fishes with birds on top of them). Other children made fun of me because of that, but just that, a joke that I took too serious to the point of humiliation long time ago.
I know we all feel somehow "protected" inside this subculture.

[Cicero]

Papua New Guinea is located inbetween Australia and Indonesia. It also happens to be where my family was living when I was born (although they were visiting Australia when my mother went into labour, so my birthplace is oh-so-boring Melbourne).

Alrighty then! My story...

I grew up living in all different parts of Asia, starting in Papua New Guinea on the island of Bougainville, then the depths of Borneo in the town of Balikpapan - near the town of Samarinda, which is a port frequented by pirates. After a brief period in Sydney, Australia we moved to a small town in Malaysia, and then to a large town in Malaysia - where I remain today. All the while my family have gone on holiday all over the world - to Africa, America, the Middle East and Europe.

All this travel broadened my horizons and always gave me the feeling of having experienced far more than those around me. I've met head hunters (and seen their head collections - at the age of five), real pirates, the Masai tribe of East Africa, the Dayaks of Borneo, geishas, Buddhist monks, the polio-suffering homeless people on the streets of Nairobi, and even the cannibals of Papua New Guinea - yes, the ones who eat the brains of their fathers. All of this was before I'd even reached puberty.

And it was all of this that made me what I am. It was what opened my eyes to the terrible and beautiful things in this world. The discovery of the gothic subculture just gave me a way to find others with the same view of the darker side of life, the side of life not dictated by MTV and Hollywood, but created by like-minded individuals by themselves and for themselves.

In terms of when I started considering myself a goth, I'd say that came when I was about 14 or 15 years old, with the discovery of Rozz Williams and Christian Death. His lyrics spoke to me like no others, and even though I'd already been listening to the Sisters of Mercy and Siouxsie and the Banshees for years, it was with Christian Death that I finally said "this is who I am".

And that's about all there is to it.

[Slap Your Love]

That's quite the life story. o.0 I wanna go to the jungle!

[She_Is_My_Sin]

I was gonna say this, my good friend has parents who were goths & she morphed into a goth. But I have sneaky suspicion that she was under the influence of me with some of it (we were joined at the hip. If she liked something, I liked it.Vice versa) & that she had inspiration from her parents too.

[oblivia]

It's hard to say. My mom gave me a box of pictures she had in her photo albums about a year ago. I was still with my ex-husband at the time and we were looking through my pictures and I kept saying, "Oh I remember that black sweater, I wish I still had that", or "Ugh, I was so angry at my brother the day he broke my framed copy of 'The Raven'" or "I couldn't convince my mom to let me paint my walls black, so we finally agreed on gray." My ex looked at me and shook his head and said, "Wow, if your parents had've let you, you would've been a little goth girl, huh?" (He also kept me from being the way I am -- one of the reasons why we're no longer. Between he and my father, I seemed to spend the first good chunk of my life with very controlling men. But I'm not going to bore you all with jargon about my childhood as we've all heard those weeping "My parents suck" stories.)

There are so many things about the gothic culture that I find so enthralling. The porcelain beauty of its men and women, the exotic flavor of its music, the charm of it's ideals, the rebellion of it's attitude. I turned to Wicca when I was a teen and experienced such a feeling of warmth and acceptance when I did so. When I finally got out of the life I was in and let myself just be me, I found a wonderful dark, warm world that enriched my soul and gave me an ironic sense of peace. I didn't turn to Gothism in a state of depression -- far from it! -- rather I am entranced by the beauty and serenity of it. When I tried to be what all others wanted me to be -- the cutesy brunette in jeans and pink and Britney Spears -- I was depressed. When I lined my eyes, wore velvet and lace, bathed myself in sunscreen, read Poe and Stoker and Leroux, heard the melancholy voices of Cristina Scabbia and Melora Creager, began studying folklore and reading the works of Helen Creighton -- that was when I found out how happy I could be. All these things were things I did at one time or another over the course of my life, but never pursued because I felt I was not allowed. Now I am on my own and I have never had a greater sense of happiness in my life.

[Diana]

I was four, my sisters boyfriend was gothic, he let me copy his cd's (most of which I still have), and as I grew older the lyrics became more understandable (in the sence that I knew what the bands were talking about and what seemingly difficult words; for a seven year old; meant). idk, I liked it a lot, and since I'd grown up with it, it just seemed right.