Memoir

[mindless1]

Thankyou Minyaliel for the really in depth comment. I get very few of those on this website. I have followed your advice, I've also made it in first person. If perhaps you want to, you could see if you like it much better. I've included more as well and have tried to be more descriptive.

[mindless1]

I can't discuss it reasonably with them. They won't reason anything out of any of my comments. Plus, they're saying all my posts are trash.

[Minyaliel]

It's much better now. At this point, let me suggest that you put the story away, try to forget about it for a few weeks (in this time your unconscious will develop a new perspective on the text) and then go back to read it a few times and
1) look for grammatical errors
2) look for paragraphs that you like (and why) and how to make you like them even more
3) look for paragraphs that are not so good (and why) and try to figure out a way to make them better

This is a method I've picked up from the book I mentioned to you on the other site, which I've found to help a lot.

[mindless1]

Originally Posted by Minyaliel

It's much better now. At this point, let me suggest that you put the story away, try to forget about it for a few weeks (in this time your unconscious will develop a new perspective on the text) and then go back to read it a few times and
1) look for grammatical errors
2) look for paragraphs that you like (and why) and how to make you like them even more
3) look for paragraphs that are not so good (and why) and try to figure out a way to make them better

This is a method I've picked up from the book I mentioned to you on the other site, which I've found to help a lot.

Great advice!