A Thread of Poetry ( Only Post Poetry HERE!! )

[Draconysius]

Originally Posted by darkwarlockazer

Silent tradgedy


Tears are faling from my face. The questions roll around inside my head. Why did you leave me and why are you gone? why arent you here in my arms.

[chorus] Silent tradgedy full of hate and profanity no one can hear me and no one cares. take back my sanity and put it back into me no one can hear me and no one cares x2

Im walking down the darkened street. People just like me I want to meet standing beside me and all around. The sadness consumes me and I break down *chorus*

Now im lying in my room. surrounded by darkness and the gloom. Im crying my eyes out and waiting for pain from my frail little body and my over used brain *chorus*

Im in the park and im going to end it {no one can hear me and no one cares} I go under the blackened tree and I sit {no one can hear me and nobody cares} I take out a razor and walk down the road {no one can hear me and no body cares x3}

I believe you're in the wrong place, child. You should seek an emo forum, or something likewise. It's your personal right to feel depressed, but for goodness' sake, don't believe you're gothic (or unique, in fact) because you're depressed.

The poem is tedious, boring, and cliche'. Please try to write something with more direction and meaning.

[nuksaa]

Originally Posted by Draconysius

The poem is tedious, boring, and cliche'. Please try to write something with more direction and meaning.

And punctuation. Learn it and use it.

[Circle V]

Let's see how this poem looks once you suck all of the emo-ness out.

Originally Posted by darkwarlockazer

Im walking down the street.

I'm in the park

I go under the tree and I sit

I walk down the road

Interesting.

[darkwarlockazer]

Silent tradgedy


Tears are faling from my face. The questions roll around inside my head. Why did you leave me and why are you gone? why arent you here in my arms.

[chorus] Silent tradgedy full of hate and profanity no one can hear me and no one cares. take back my sanity and put it back into me no one can hear me and no one cares x2

Im walking down the darkened street. People just like me I want to meet standing beside me and all around. The sadness consumes me and I break down *chorus*

Now im lying in my room. surrounded by darkness and the gloom. Im crying my eyes out and waiting for pain from my frail little body and my over used brain *chorus*

Im in the park and im going to end it {no one can hear me and no one cares} I go under the blackened tree and I sit {no one can hear me and nobody cares} I take out a razor and walk down the road {no one can hear me and no body cares x3}

[darkwarlockazer]

interesting...I wasnt depressed at all when I wrote this. Im not emo my friend wanted a song/lyrics written about him and his old relationship so he asked me. I swear the next time he asks me to write him something I will defenitly not do it. This one sucked.

[Circle V]

Er... how exactly can a lyrics that barely anyone other than the speaker be about a relationship?

You should refuse to write songs about other people's relationships because you cannot truly understand them.

I'm sure that you've been told this, but a true poet *shows* rather than *tells*.

[A Simple Poet]

I have to agree, I think Circle boiled your poem down to that three line near-haiku and it was still left wanting. I am biased against songs as poems though, in my own personal aesthetic. Sorry, Warlock, it didn't do it for me.

With my recent submission, thanks Circle. I recognized the repitition of dark and withdrew a few of the words in a revison along with that suspect line. I'm comfortable with the level of imagery because I want the poem to have a quasi-etherial feel. Thanks for your input, you too TStone. No drugs involved, don't touch 'em.

[Circle V]

Perhaps you could post your revised version, Poet. I'd enjoy that.

[Disfunction]

Swimming in a nameless ocean; witness to a failed crusade.
Can you hear the sounds that aren't being made?
Dreamscape shattered; cracked open with a lie.
Grasping at its fragments, only thinking to question why.
Horizons are aching to stretch the expanse of forever,
Eternal hearts made loyal for a rapturous conclusion.
Marked by the failure to succeed; resigned to the act of passing on.


Ehhhh eeeeee ehhhh ohhhhh I don't know.

[roserougesang]

I haven't had poetic inspiration for months. Surprisingly I finally found inspiration last night
Here is the fruit of my labours (very short though):

Painful Artistry
What painful artwork this is, a sanguine Caravaggio painted on skin
With blood as your paint, a knife as your brush and flesh as the pure white canvas
What pain, what beauty, what hope for release
The artist hath finished her picture


This is about when one of my friends was going through an awful period of depression and was near to committing suicide. Luckily, she came out of her depression and is now perky as a pixie again.

[livingdead]

raging tears
tearing my face
there isnt a place inside
where hate doesnt reside
the overflows of history
begin their cruelty
through time and eternity

my heart
a black temple of lust
nurturing the seeds of eternal pain
absence of light
on hell's throne
where my weakness
shall be reborn

inner flames
start the cremation
step back
watch
the beginnings start
of a cold black heart.

[Virulent Dryad]

You ought to grammatize your poem, it makes it better to read. I won't comment on the rest.

[Virulent Dryad]

Have a poem people. Feel free to tell me how cliched, utter garbage or painfully deplorable you think this is, just offer something constructive while you're at it.


Creativity gone Awry

The mother weeps in solitude
Of the cruel winters in Eden.
Where God and murderers collude
To make the youth die young

The ambrosial apple of sin
The virgin gave birth to the king
Her son is where death has been…
On a cross and in our souls

In this world where love is as
A flower amongst thorns
Where hope is like
An oasis in the deserts of Egypt

A shaman whispers words of deceit
The child takes in the sorrow of every broken tale
A perfect world is bittersweet
The desire for knowledge is sin

The child sits on the mother’s lap
The weary soldier’s onward plod
A lonely fool tries to fill the gap
Failing in becoming a god

[livingdead]

ok so maybe i can write poetry or not, though i know most of u would go for not.. this is just a poetry phase..(hopefully :P)..tell me what u think..like dont like delete ..whatever..

Let the sounds of horror pull you in
as I burn candles on your naked skin,
six black candles, and a bloody brew,
feelings of death incarcerate you.

Sacrifice upon the altar,
it should've been me instead of you,
always giving yours for mine, my insane lover.

First we taste you,
then we offer you,
with a rusty blade
that ends the charade.

Sitting at my window watching the sky,
two full moon nights have passed by,
now I feel your gostly arms
pulling me down,
and that's the end of me as I meet the ground...

[livingdead]

18 tx for the input, poetry isnt really my field anyway :/ just thort i'd have a go, looks so easy..:P

[livingdead]

it doesnt matter u wouldnt understand anyway...

[livingdead]

Sarcasm becomes you..

[livingdead]

actually here is one more.."shitty poem", just to annoy you..
Spells

You dont feel me
get away!
photograph
piece of hair
voodoo dolls
singing spells
smiling
crying
playing along with violent crimes
sending u to the lungs of hell
heavens closed
be afraid
for final judgement haunts ur every breath!

[Virulent Dryad]

Aren't these kids taught grammar in school?

[suicidlexdesire]

mother for dead
let me weep alone
choking of my own blood
tears of silver dagers
cut my soul with its teeth
kill me now with your pityful words
as i dig my own grave
and jump in without my soul

[nuksaa]

Here's a short monologue I wrote some time ago (probably more of a rant really):

Behold the self-important idiots behaving as though that tiny corner of the world is theirs and theirs alone. Great show of prowess. 'World see me for I am known!' Adlturating murderer. Killing with your words, with your ego the peace which once was. Why can you not share the corner? Why do you deserve to speak at such a volume? What have you done, really?

I do not need the niche so take it freely. Stand on your soap box and proclaim your wonderful exploits. Demonstrate what a special cretin you truely are. I believe I have equal right to the claimed cranny but I do not need it to achieve identity. Take it and call it yours. Be loud. Yell. Scream. In my quiet, simple truth I have discovered who I am and I do not need others to know my discovered truth to require connection to this realm. You have your little nook whereas I have the entire world in my eyes. I am at home. I can relax and return to peace. So go back to your wee playpen, dog. Wallow in your oral mud, pig.

The stars are so beautiful tonight. I can almost touch them.

[A Simple Poet]

Xng, you were too nice to this dead guy.

I take offense to those who write ignorance and one such statement is the following (corrected for spelling)

poetry isnt really my field anyway :/ just thought i'd have a go, looks so easy

Okay you were write about one thing LivingDead person. It isn't your field. Do the galaxy a favor and do not write any more. Do not attempt vengence poetry to try and spite Xng (unless it is good). And if it was good, Xng would tell you, I'm sure. But it wasn't.

Secondly it takes YEARS to hone in on poetry. Good poetry. There are different poetic forms and schools of poetry dating back to Aristotle and Plato (yeah, those guys are dead). Then there are Medieval and Romantic poets and Moderns. So go back and do your homework before you make such a broad and ignorant statement about how poetry is. Approach it humbly. Please do not post anymore B rated "Gothic" punk lyrics. Please start with Hallmark cards and do a spellcheck.

Sorry, folks, ignorance like that really pisses me off.

Suicide. Your poem is not bad, I think it could use some enjambment because on page it looks like a cliche "Goth" poem. I agree with Xng about the last two lines. They are the finest part of the piece.

Finally, Rose. I thought your was really original. I liked it very very much. I think you can remove the: What pain, what beauty, what hope for release line and it actually strengthens the poem. But leaving it in does not diminish the piece either.

I'm sorry to everyone else, I have not had time to read the longer ones.

[Sobeh]

I'm trying to get better with using metre, so this one is an alternating Iambic Tetrameter/Trimeter quatrain, with one trochee replacement (see if you can find it). As always, better to tear it up than let me falsely think I've done a good job. Obviously very short, but as I said I'm after technique right now.

* * *

"Thank You, Mr. Walpole"

When Horace finished writing it,
his Gothic point of view
described a path past fear - and death -
that we could follow, too.

[NachtSorcier]

I wrote this just now, so criticism is welcome, that I may improve it. I think when you get to the end, it's self-explanitory.

Mourning

We're going to the graveyard tonight,
to visit a dear, old friend.
She is missed greatly,
many a tear was shed when she died.

Her life had great potential,
and for a short while,
it seemed she had much to offer.
The world was young and beautiful,
and we lived peacefully;
Life was good.

But then, hatred and ignorance reared their ugly heads.
Men, women, and children
gnashed their teeth at one another.
Gender, race, religion, sexual orientation;
differences inspired fear in the ignorant,
fear planted the seeds of anger
and those seeds bloomed into violence.

Soon, millions were killed in the name of ignorance.
Our beloved friend was one of them.
Tonight we visit her,
and invite you to come along.

So gather up your roses,
and look upon her gravestone.

It reads:

"Society
May she rise again."

[Corpsey]

NachtSorcier, I absolutely loved your poem, and totally agree with it. I'm never any good at critiquing at all, so i'll just leave it as good as it is.

Twin

In the midst of life
Full of pleasure and hate
The sands of time fell
To the fated hour
When you moved on
And bade me farewell

Hatred has no heart
Like loneliness has no lover

Whisper to me my twin
And tell me how this happened
Why has time made us
Become so emotionless?



Deliverance

Oh i Have despised
The stars over us
Which dictate the yearnings
A man has for life
This masquerade of hope
has become the misery of me
Obvious is my folly
Yet i do not discard it

I cling to my heart
Once you plucked its strings
Now it is contaminated
With a mixture of fear and desire
To wedlock my hate
Which scours through my veins

I subdue my resentment
For what is it to dwell on hate?
It affects none, but yourself

Oh I despise the stars
Which sparkle at us all
Mockingly out of our reach
But if we blunder on in hatred
Of those who have maltreated us
We can be overshadowed
And never will our minds
Recieve the deliverance
For which we desperately plead