No title yet.

[Underwater Ophelia]

And I'm rusting from the inside
"What do you want me to do about it?"

You're right
Honestly, nothing
There's nothing you can do
I'll talk to you later, ok
?

[TheFeatheredÆtheling]

Miss Ophelia (yes, I found out that you aren't a man), thanks for posting your poem. I'm not really familiar with the format so I can't comment on any technical aspects.

Your poem has a sad meaning, and its theme is definitely hopelessness. "Rusting" implies a slow, cruel demise, but the most unsettling line is the last. "I'll talk to you later, ok?" gives the poem a weird, casual tone and suggests that the one who is suffering is not only in a desperate (almost servile) position to the one who answered but has probably been suffering for a long time and has accepted the idea that she is trapped in whatever it is that is destroying her.

[Underwater Ophelia]

I'm more interested in you telling me how the poem makes you feel. What does it mean to you specifically?

[Saya]

I like it. It makes me think of a situation where you're trying to explain to someone whats going on inside you, instead of listening they just say "well what do you want me to do?" And then you shut up and you don't want their help.

Your poems make good light reading.

[Apathy's_Child]

I read it more in the context of trying to explain the unexplainable to someone genuinely well-intentioned, but you guys are right, it DOES actually sound more like the narrator's words falling on deaf, slightly callous ears.

To me, that's a shame. I prefer the first idea, as it seems more in keeping with the response given at the end. If you're going for the too broken down to fight angle, personally I think it might be helpful to extend the poem slightly - not something I say often, as I tend to find the most important part of editing is trimming off the unecessary material. But the final line sounds like the speaker is trying to deflect the person they're addressing through resigned reassurance, rather than giving up on what it is they were trying to convey to them because they're not really niterested. Like I said, it could be that you're trying to convey the emotional exhaustion of someone confronted with frustrating apathy, but to me the lines sound more people-pleasing than that, like they don't want the other person worrying about them. I think if there's more to it, that should be brought out.

Also, I hate the question mark on a line of its own. I get it, I just don't like it.