I'm such an asshole

[Steppenwolf]

... And I shouldn't care .
This is a rant , you probably are not interested at all since I forgot to post a picture with my naked legs and with one of my corsets . I'm mrs. nobody , so keep feeding the bullshit and the "bone chilling literary culture"...

I have no idea if It's just a phase or It's the new shit here I have to learn to live with , but I feel I'm start to change and the others feel too .
Before I used to shut my mouth and think this and that . Now I've found I can't do this anymore : When someone glorify his own violent attitude , when somebody try to control me , when somebody is telling his/her stupid opinion , I feel such a rage I can't help but open my mouth and say what I really think .
I don't even shout , I don't even lose my temper , I just say what I really think not only about it , but I point at their faults , their stupid pride and hate and make them feel so miserable they look at me with eyes wide open and shut the fuck up ... Because they know it's the truth . We know both .
I do this with friends , with family , with lovers , with everyone ... I go on hurting people , they look at me thinking : "What's wrong with you now? That's not the way you used to be , my dear sweet little child!"
I'm tired of being the nice lady , nice and sweet and with the stupid fucking smile while others I care about keep talking completly bullshit in front of me . I'm tired of stand alone with my own mind , I want everyone open the fucking eyes and see what I see : I want them to see themselves .
I've been always alone , I don't care , I don't think I can fit anywhere and I'm not even trying to bullshit myself , but honestly : Why the hell can't I speak out without getting those "What the hell" eyes??
What's wrong with me , why have I changed all this sudden , in just two fucking weeks?
There's always beside us somebody saying : She's right . That's the worst part , that I KNOW I'm fucking right and even people say it in front of both .

Sorry , I'm just so angry and tired of living in this piece of shit full of hypocrits.
I really wish I had enough , really enough and so would be able to kill myself , not because I'm depresed : Because I'm tired of all this bullshit .
I'm really tired of the must chose between playing the asshole or playing the stupid .
I can't understand what is with people and I never will .
I'm done . Flame ahead ...

[Albert Mond]

Originally Posted by Steppenwolf

... And I shouldn't care .
This is a rant , you probably are not interested at all

True. Inb4 feigned sympathy.

[KontanKarite]

I've contemplated the same things. I take it out on you guys.

Yeah... you jerk.

[littlemoonfox]

If they care for you at all..they will repsect what you say... You said what the truth was and they cant deal with it to bad. Just breath deep and try relax. No one likes to hear badness in the world even if they are it. They look hurt becuse someone they care for pointed out something bad about them.

I rember when I first came here you said you may hate me...That was a truth I didn't badmouth you for it or ask why I accpected it....and if it true it true I haft to respect you for that...Your not asshole you just cant take living a lie...

[Steppenwolf]

Originally Posted by littlemoonfox

Your not asshole you just cant take living a lie...

Nop , I'm growing up . Everyone said they were sorry for hanging up , shouting at me some cheap shit or leaving me at the coffee shop without a single word.
Every fucking single rat is giving apologies .
Not everyone who is important enough is changing with me , they keep trying to change me and giving me orders .
That's what pissed me off the most : I was selling my ass to them . They were close to me , now they seem far away ... They were always far away .
I got the feeling that I've lived between strangers .

Yeah , Kontan , I'm a jerk , but I'm also wondering what have I done to myself spending time of my life with people I don't have nothing in common with .
I want them to notice too .

[Steppenwolf]

I'm going to get drunk again ....... It's just no use ......

[Albert Mond]

Originally Posted by Steppenwolf

I'm going to get drunk again ....... It's just no use ......

Well... enjoy that, then.

[jack_the_knife]

I don't see why you care. Just be the way you are. If people don't like that, they can go about their way. It's not like you invite them to be acquainted with you. If you can't make the whole world happy, then at least make yourself happy.

[HumanePain]

Something is driving the change. What are you really angry about? What happened? And when was the last time you had time to yourself for a vacation or a break of some kind? Get a massage, go to a spa and sit in the jacuzzi for a while or go for a walk in the woods or on the beach. Sometimes if we don't get a rest we bottle up stress and it comes out like you described.

[MollyMac]

You are not around the people you need to be around, then. We outgrow friends and enemies alike and grow into new ones, or stretches of neither.

They will not seem themselves for who they are. Few people do before it is too late. They look at you with "what the hell?' looks and avert your eyes because you're turning your eyes into mirrors and mouth into an amplifier for them.

They clearly wish to maintain their status quo. Let them. Change yours and let the chips fall where they may. Better to live openly ands honestly and have few close freinds than to be miserable and silet and surrounded by many false ones.

[Necrophagist]

Mollymac - Truer words were never said!

[$haDe]

Mmm...

I felt like that before.

It happened when something terribly bad occur and affected you, greatly. Sometime, these 'things' are obvious and easily notice but most of the time, it's not.

I hope people around you will understand you better by taking time to think rather than ignore you.