Reincarnation of the poetry thread

[HumanePain]

Dark steps
in music's repetition
may lead to Hell's Steppes
or reach Heaven.

Without direction
steps in time
go in circles
and without rhyme.

But steps that match
another's side by side
are less lonely
no matter where we stride.

[Steppenwolf]

great rythm , Viv . The last sentence is great . It moves .

[Aaroneet]

Consolation in bitter tranquility

Towards the depths of sweetness, the ineptitude

Grant me, in waywardness of trifle but the

most enthrallingg sensibility

Betwixt audacity and her long-hindered wish

To but once more endure the hallow fire of confounded switch

Marked in parted wholes by crass minds and the

wayward dronings of new-borne time

Amidst the exclusivity of a rampant sun and her forever

stagnant rhyme.

[Undead_Stagehand]

Originally Posted by Aaroneet

To but once more endure the hallow fire of confounded switch

Beautifully lyrical and connotative. What more could one ask for in poetry?





Quite a while without guile
Ultimate withdrawal
Isolating tawdry mile
Encasing smallish Hell.
Tramm’ling though the crowd may be
Unless their noise is great
Death will sound his piercing knell
Enlisting all unto the gate.

[raggedyanne]

prostrate thyself
Amon Ra stands before you
your foe is slowly rising
from his place of hiding
there is no longer shelter
first, there is pain
Ra’s glare blackens
your alabaster casing
retreat, fair Goddess
you shall claim victory
as the light shall fall
and under cool blankets
of cerulean and ebony
you shall be restored
to battle again, come ‘morrow

[Aaroneet]

Prolonging, the hindrance of mine own inner haze

In innocence, too blique, the daze, newly piqued

Through phases of combustion, the ground, bleak and

confounded

Betwixt embittered torrents, the crimson henceforth descended

Upon the lustful dwindling pen, long-defended

By-and-by bidding me with the nonchalant click of druid eyes

Suspended in the foreseeing senselessness of personnification

and his latest guise.

[raggedyanne]

Brilliant as usual. Do you have any suggestions that could help me with my writing?

[Child_of_Fury]

The world is a bright, beautiful void
Only two walk on its surface
You and me

I watch you all day, all night
I keep everything about you in my mind
Your looks, your routines
I absorb the tiniest of details

Waiting, I know you thoroughly
I'm high on this feeling
My eyes see only you
Only you, in the middle of the crowd

I pull out my hand, carefully
Afraid of shattering this beautiful moment
My finger grasps a slight curve
Oh, how it feels good

I look into your eyes from the distance
My finger grasps the curve, pulling it
Ah, the sweet recoil
Feels like warm wind on my face

The world is a bright, beautiful void
Only one walks on its surface
Me

[Aaroneet]

Originally Posted by raggedyanne

Brilliant as usual. Do you have any suggestions that could help me with my writing?

Do you have a specific piece in mind? Some of what you write is really well-executed.

[Aaroneet]

In mounting heaps of whimsical befuddlement

The evanescence, unto me,

forever inconsequent.

And through the heat and its reservations,

Descending henceforth, like the embitterments of the late

hesitant

Or ever-the-lurking and newly myriad

in wayward steps of infestation,

Unto the self, and yesteryear,

telling and by-and-by the spread

Amidst dread subtlety in the hue of fittest moments,

equally reaped and shed

And heretofore named in spits of nothingness only heaven-fed.

[raggedyanne]

Originally Posted by Aaroneet

Do you have a specific piece in mind? Some of what you write is really well-executed.

Thank you! I'm just wondering if you could tell me what's really bad and how I could fix it. I'm taking honors english and I know that the teacher doesn't cover poetry. Anyways, I trust your word over his. Never trust and english teacher who punches holes in walls and swears in Hawai'ian.

[Aaroneet]

Maybe I should just speak generally. You try to make some of your pieces act as direct messages to the person being addressed. I do that as well, but I try to mask it in subtlety when I do it, whereas your words scream. That's a stylistic difference, to a certain extent. However, try to refrain from endings such as "You know that much, right?"

Endings should always be powerful; don't settle for something weak that doesn't contribute in any way, shape, or form to the poem, or it will lose its effect.

Good ending:

"But you are lucid
Lucid as I will never be."

Bad ending:

(See one mentioned above).

In order to better your endings (or the poem in general), you should try to refrain from using adjectives such as "happy". Frankly, they're weak words and don't always do the poem favors. I try to only use terms such as "happy" when I extend it to "happiness" so that it encompasses an entire idea.

[Aaroneet]

Senseless and appeasing in the utmost sensibility

In furling decadence, the emptiness, and its ensuing presence

Which by and by sifts through distance or the plunderous,

revenant

Incandescence in its yet-seeping precedent

Betwixt the tides, behold, the shift of lowly eyes

Foreseen,

And ever-the-shifting in ways of subtlety, here unclean

Yet forevermore the pitying in absconding steps of usurpation,

and her henceforth descending scenes

The undulations of bitter mind ensnared in traffic of

metaphor and means

[raggedyanne]

Thank you for helping me be a better poet!

Here's one I wrote during English. I really can't promise it's any good. Que bad teen love poetry:

Butterfly's are fluttering
How they got under my corset,
I'll never know!
How is it that happiness
brings with it such anticipation?
Am I intimidated by his carefree nature?
Tempted to delve again
into a sea of red smoke
Shaking in my boots
Mine eyes drink in
his glowing profile as it towers above me
A demigod, it seems
has landed at my feet

And here is one dedicated to Mr.Bigglesworth:

Mr. Bigglesworth
How Dr. Evil loves you
too bad, you're both bald

[HumanePain]

Originally Posted by raggedyanne

And here is one dedicated to Mr.Bigglesworth:

Mr. Bigglesworth
How Dr. Evil loves you
too bad, you're both bald

Thank you for my first laugh of the day!

An I liked the love poem too, isn't love grand?

[raggedyanne]

That it is, as is my lovely boytoy. I know I'm breaking the poetry thing, but I have to say, I might not be posting poetry for a bit. My muse doesn't work when I'm happy. The Mr.Bigglesworth poem is proof that not all the kids in honors english are highly intelligent and focused.

[Aaroneet]

Adorned by levity in the passing stance

Intwined in incredulousness locking through whimsical false-step

stoppings

The levity unspoken betwixt newly bound willows

Yet evermore the broken, aghast and

henceforth the beholden

And beholding no more in phase of levity and her

dwindling muse

Or is it the pristine nothingness which leads me

late-consumed

Unto dread transgression and her intrepid stare

Take hold in wonderous haplessness, and launching

like embittered waywardness

Fallacy in her everythings, as twist turns to

sweetened flashes

Amidst quandaries confronted by blind insecurity and the

flick of her hapless lashes.

[raggedyanne]

Again, my lady, you are amazing.
Here is one poema penned during drama whilst practicing stage direction and discussing D&D:

A game of twister, much retarded
A jumble of brains and feet discarded
'tis the nature of the stage
as if controlled by a substance abusing mage

This poem is still in the works. What I have so far just goes to show how much I miss winter. Damn California summers:

Grommets conducting cold along my leg
icy metal freezes the tips of winter
eyeliner fuses to frosted lashes
whilst paling fingers shiver and shake
tinting the world blue

[Aaroneet]

Pacifism in intangibility, through fold, the steps unto

myriad stones

Betwixt distance and entrenchment, sifted about

in wayward drones

Unwritten, there evermore-the-writing in qualms amidst

themselves, evermore the fighting

And sooner enrapt in cliche by-the-by through amused words

spoken no more in musing

In space amidst folly and conspiring nothingness met with

adorning eye

Traversed amidst embittering volumes in waiting steps of

faceless sky

Which to-and-fro forget themselves in fruitless whimsicality,

here awakened

Upon the consequence of pitless affliction which by each stare

stand newly taken.

[tekajo]

i wish i could offer up some new poems, but...the words still do not come.
Here is something rather old.

still the waves

the waves!
they kiss my mouth soft with each thundering crash,
like the tears we once shed so bitter they taste...
of the cold nights alone asleep eternally with dreams
laying in the sand as formidable tides yet again roll in.

time slowly falls and slips away with each choken breath,
in the distant shallows toward silence her footfalls swim...
down unto the inkly remnants of life's last broken stretch
laying in the frigid sand as the dreams drift on into Night,

-i
reach for the pinprick of the true etheric light.

(and then he dreams the dream
of another night's dawn)

the light!
still not yet another lonesome day while Night seems so far away,
nothing seems the same before insanity breathes her velvet voice
in memories the words solemnly slide across these upturned palms
we're still alone so steel carved still scarred still...
(wet.)
here.

still the waves...

...of these unrelenting storms with a single touch
and i forever will be-

[raggedyanne]

I like it! I understand your plight. My muse packed up and went to Tahiti without telling me and now everything I write sucks.

[Aaroneet]

Brazen upon the shards of contempt, in flight

And evermore the grazing in waywardness of petulant night

That incredulously peaks back towards the drawing bellows of

new attack

Yet fro-to her nothingness in disgruntled learnings, struck in

caressing wave

Betwixt the effervescence of speckled toe's descending toll,

Which, In tepid waves of yesteryear, I entrusted so

And reached consolingly, in light of trepidation, a soliloquoy,

recanted in impulse only,

Which inoubliable minds do forget

The ire of solace and decadence which untethered fingers

now regret

Amidst the null prick newly descending in indiscretion, by-the-by

And back to the manifestation resulting from tomorrow's

consoling sigh.

[raggedyanne]

Shall I always be second best?
It is quite clear of your adoration for her
Wrap your arms about me
and fantasize of another
your kisses turn to ash in my mouth
you wonder what they would taste of to her
hold me for now
dream of her not when you are with me
I cannot hate her
she is my guide, my friend
there is no fault on her part
I am the one who is not sufficient
let me pay for my faults, not for her loveliness

[Aaroneet]

Self-effacing in colsoled prophesy,

In sight, and all in feigning

The embitterments, now in slights of anticipation,

And evermore the mired in subtlety, one and one

Indignation betwixt negating eyes in the heat of

encroaching sun

Tiptoeing incredulousness, the feat bestowed in furling blasts

Behold in feast, the beast, amidst fleets of waning, lasts

In winding consecration spilled unto spilling hands

Which by the by wrap themselves in redundancy and the

nuisance of her willed demands.

[raggedyanne]

pulsing swinging banging
waves of sound manipulating the human form
undulating bodies
half stoned by their own imaginations
slithering limbs connected to a flailing torso
so entranced by the rhythm
leaves no room for thought