Face/Facts

badteccy · 05-27-2008, 08:50 PM

Let's face facts

Get one thing straight

I'm not pretty on the inside

Only pretty in the face

I'm not that sweet girl

You thought you knew

I am not always rational

I am not always pure

I yell, I get mad

I cry under covers

I often take in regretable lovers

I drink and I smoke

Like I'll die the next day

I may perhaps even be a little gay

I don't mean to sound harsh

But it's just how I am

You think I'm crazy?

Believe me, we're damned

badteccy · 05-27-2008, 08:52 PM

I dunno about the ending, btw. I also don't like to rhyme much (I think it makes a poem sound cheesy)...but anyway...

Tin_Lizzie · 05-28-2008, 06:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badteccy

I dunno about the ending, btw. I also don't like to rhyme much (I think it makes a poem sound cheesy)...but anyway...

You're right, the last three lines kinda fall flat. How about "It's just how I'm made"? Or delete that line, you don't really need it. Also, repeating "pretty" (line 4) isn't your strongest choice - maybe "angelic face"?

I like the confessional feel to this. Good job.

badteccy · 05-28-2008, 06:56 AM

"I"m not pretty on the inside
Only angelic in the face"

Hmm, I do like that. Yea, poetry has never really been my forte, but I like it.

Underwater Ophelia · 05-28-2008, 07:36 AM

Honestly, I think it's a bit cliche.
It's not awful, I just feel like I've read it 10 times before.

badteccy · 05-28-2008, 10:41 AM

Yea, that's what I was afraid off...

Underwater Ophelia · 05-28-2008, 10:45 AM

It's not necessarily a horrible thing, though. Maybe take the core idea and re-imagine it.

HumanePain · 05-30-2008, 08:06 AM

It struck me as almost conversational. But then I like symbolism.

badteccy · 05-30-2008, 02:28 PM

It was sorta supposed to be conversational. It's what I would want to say to some of my peers at college if I wasn't such a raging pussy.

manequin · 06-01-2008, 01:35 PM

I think the whole I might be a little gay line cheapened it. As if you where making light of your bad points.

gloomcookie · 06-09-2008, 05:41 AM

gay line is a little distasteful, and I'd say "Just angelic in the face" for lline 4. Otherwise, a sweet, playful little poem! Bravo!

badteccy · 06-09-2008, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by manequin

I think the whole I might be a little gay line cheapened it. As if you where making light of your bad points.

I see, although I don't consider being bisexual as a "bad point", but dat just me.
Also, I was trying to make light of my bad points because most of them would be expected from a 20 year old alt chick, and aren't really that bad.

Toy Killer · 06-21-2008, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badteccy

I see, although I don't consider being bisexual as a "bad point", but dat just me.
Also, I was trying to make light of my bad points because most of them would be expected from a 20 year old alt chick, and aren't really that bad.

Right, Bisexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, but with the conversing voice of the poem you can almost picture your head tilting away as it's read... if that makes any sense. The way it's written makes it seem like your ashamed of your sexuality. That's what makes it distasteful.

KontanKarite · 06-21-2008, 12:35 PM

Actually, I took it more as a "Dag nab it, not only am I a 'bad' person, but I'm a little gay to boot. Damn, I'm just a mess, aren't I."

badteccy · 06-21-2008, 01:04 PM

Hmm. I see what ya'll mean.
It's whatever, poetry was never really my forte.

KontanKarite · 06-21-2008, 01:09 PM

I liked it.